this is kimmy.

I'M GRADUATING!

2010-06-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

I am graduating todayyy!!!! All these years came and went so fast....

i shouldn't judge, but...

2010-06-02T04:21:00.000-07:00

I currently live with two other roommates T and N, both of whom are frantically preparing their personal statements to send in with their med school applications. T unfortunately does not write very well... Tonight, she asked another friend and myself to read her draft and offer opinions. I'm no expert, but even I couldn't help thinking it needed lots of work... Anyway, during the session, she referred to two sample personal statements from two other people, both of which were undeniably more polished than her own. I realized that one of the essays belonged to N, so I asked if they were helping each other on their statements. I was a little surprised because they hadn't really been talking to each other much about med school at all.

No wonder. Our other friend let slip (probably to T's dismay) that N did not actually know T had a copy of her essay. T had basically stolen it off her laptop one day while no one was at home. She justified it by saying that she was freaking out at the time because she hadn't started writing anything and needed to read someone else's stuff to "get inspiration".

As a friend, I suppose, for the most part I'm expected to be supportive and all that. I didn't say anything about it then and there, but I couldn't help wondering if she's ever rifled through MY things, or violated MY privacy in any way. If she could do it to one roommate, she could also do to the other, right? I was rather shocked, although I do remember one time last year when she admitted she's stolen from multiple clothing stores on multiple occasions..... The other girl wasn't as shaken by what T did, but I might be judgmental because I've personally been on the other end, where I have had personal files deliberately taken, by someone I really trusted, for malicious purposes. So it's become a sensitive issue for me. Not to mention I don't approve of what she did... it's just not cool, it's like cheating kinda. :(

Oh well, not my place to judge... learned something more about T tonight that still shocks me even after the 3 years that we've grown close. I will simply keep it in mind and be very careful of my belongings.... even this post, I must remember not to keep my blog open.....haha, half kidding.....

i'm too emotional for my own good.

2010-05-25T00:10:00.000-07:00

I didn't write a post then, but a week ago, I decided to break up with W. College graduation is drawing ever nearer (3 more weeks), and it will soon come time for us to physically separate. I feel I have neither the confidence nor the ability to preserve our relationship on a long-distance basis. In addition, looking towards the long run, he may not be "the one", at least not the way he is now - he is still very immature in many ways. So, at the time, I knew what I wanted, and that he was not it, and I did not hesitate to bring it up. I told him that I am doing this now because I wanted to give us some time, while we were still able to see each other, to get mentally prepared and used to being close friends. Unfortunately, because the breakup was so civil and because we are attempting to keep things friendly, I find things haven't changed much since last week. We still check in with each other now and then, and pop by each others' places for quick visits (as we are neighbors). He still attends to my needs, down to the most miniscule of details, and hanging out with him, albeit just briefly each time, still makes me feel blessed, loved, and warm inside.

Do I wonder if I'm making the wrong decision letting him go? Every day.

Of all the guys I have dated, W definitely sets the standard for being the most dependable, most sincere, most caring. I won't ever forget how hard it was for us in the beginning when it all started, and all the troubles we've had, but through it all, he never gave up and did his best for me all the time. I can only say that I am at fault, for not being able to overlook his "faults", despite how great he is. We've decided that this is an indefinite break, with high possibility of going at it again in the future after we've settled our paths and found our places in this world, and who knows, maybe he will have matured then. But for right now, we have other priorities, and I want to give myself some more chances to experience the world around me.

I know what it is I have decided to do. It's just so hard to stand by my decision when I know so well what kind of a guy I am letting go of. It's hard to imagine that there will be anyone else out there like him...

locked in

2010-05-12T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday night, just as I was on my way out of the apartment to see Iron Man 2, one of my roommates came rushing in crying, shutting the door behind her on her parents who were following her. Apparently, they had just taken away her car, physically stripped her of her belongings when they met her outside the apartment complex, and were trying to remove her from our apartment. I'm not too close to her, but I just felt so sad and scared for her as she cried to us, "please don't let them take me away, please please." The issue is pretty complicated but long story short, her parents were making a very big deal out of a situation that could be solved in a much simpler way. Parents can just get a little too worked up sometimes, yeah? Maybe it's cuz we know the story from her end, but they were being a tad too ridiculous...
I ended up being half an hour late for the movie, as I wasn't able to leave the apartment until it was okay'ed by my roommate to open the door and let her parents in to argue some more, and I took the chance to finally slip out. When I returned - the movie was pretty good, btw - she wasn't back in the apartment. Some of her things are still here, so I'm sure she'll be back but... I wonder if they took her home and if they worked things out....

my voice is weird :(

2010-05-01T00:47:00.000-07:00

I was testing out the new voice-recorder application on my iPhone today by recording an important review session with it. At the end of class, in my hustle to get out of the room, I didn't immediately stop the recording, so it got a few minutes of me talking with a friend. When I played it back later, oh my gosh. I sound so weird! I haven't heard myself in a really long time, and my voice is a lot lighter and childish than I thought it could be, and I started wondering if I ever sounded professional all those times I talked with bosses or if I just sound like some little girl. It's been really bothering me ever since class, haha, although it's not the first time I've had issues with recordings of me (I hated listening to the voicemail recordings I made for the home phone back in the day).

Curious, I looked it up online and it's a pretty popular question. ("Why does my voice sound weird?!") Apparently, our perceptions of how our own voices differ from what other people actually hear because we hear it with the effects of the sound passing/vibrating through our bones and bodies, whereas others hear it simply through the air as you produce it. So... your recordings are your REAL voice. It creeps me out a little, hearing "me" and not recognizing myself.

I haven't had the chance to really ask anyone if my real voice is weird or not... haha, I know, I know. I'm not stressing, just curious =X

vegas weekend 4.23-4.25 :)

2010-04-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, for a friend's 21st birthday, a few of us went down to Vegas to celebrate with her! This was our crew in a few of my favorite pictures out of 150+ (can you spot me? hint- I'm in every picture hahah). We visited a club each night (XS and Tao) and it was fun because one of our girls was close to a promoter, so we automatically got onto guestlists and never had to wait :)

For the first time, I really understood the meaning of "getting free drinks". I've never actively tried to get anyone to buy me drinks, and I don't frequent bars or clubs alone or without some guy friends, so I didn't know what it was like. On our all-girls trip, we practically spent no money and we got invited to tables and drinks all night. Yay for free stuff! Hahaha.

For the weekend, we stayed at the Trump tower :D !! We split a suite, and we had booked the room early, so we each only paid $40 to stay in this baller suite for the entire weekend! (It was also complete with a kitchen, a second huge sofa bed, 3 showers, and a bathroom/makeup room as big as the living room!) It was complimentary valet as well, which was cool for my car (I drove us all there and back) :]

I did have to spend the whole next day working for my professor, and I do now have to disappear off the face of the earth in order to study for my midterms coming up next week, but it was a great weekend :)

laugh factory 4/20

2010-04-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight, W and I went to our first show at the Laugh Factory (a stand-up comedy club in Hollywood). We got to sit quite close to the stage, so it was pretty cool, seeing Kevin Nealon and the other comedians up close and personal just a few feet away. (But I don't think any other celebrity encounters so far ever really matched up to the experience of having Kobe Bryant walk up to me and friends at our gym. Not cuz he wanted to talk or anything, of course, but we happened to be standing unwittingly beside his gym bag, hahah, and THEN we got to talk to him).

For the most part, it was a nice night. I got to check off another item on my things-i-want-to-do list. We did however have a few troubles:

FIRST
We were both hungry because we didn't grab any dinner prior to the show, so we ordered a sandwich with our drinks. It was very good, but you know, not really satisfying, so W decided to go for another, and this time he picked a different one. The 2nd one was awful - whoever made the sandwich decided to go trigger-happy with the spicy sauce, which we didn't even order on it. I wonder what it was. It had the effect of wasabi (that stuff hurt my nose so much) but tasted kinda like mustard? Anyway, it just ruined our appetites.

THEN
Towards the end of the show, both W and I started feeling sick. I suspect it was the horrible sandwich, or maybe the drinks? Or both? Whatever it was, we couldn't even really enjoy the ending because I felt soooo bad that I had to get to the restroom just to be safe. It wasn't the usual alcohol-induced nausea/discomfort, it was... more intense for a much shorter period of time. No, I didn't end up puking or anything, instead I actually got better after a few minutes. But still, it was an odd sensation I'd not like to experience again.

SO
Because W was queasy for the last 15 minutes or so of the show, and I was in the restroom at the very end, we didn't even enjoy the ending. In my case, I didn't even get to see it. :(

AND FINALLY
We were the very last ones to get our car driven back to us by the valet. The issue with that was that we were still not at our best, but there we were, shivering like crazy as we waited outside. AND, even after waiting at least 15 minutes and after it felt like everyone else was gone, when we finally decided to bother the head valet person about it, they told us they'd forgotten about ours and eventually brought it around. Fortunately, the troubles ended there, and I drove us both home while W just lolled around in the passenger seat dealing with his discomfort. I think he's okay now.

All in all, it was an okay night, with a net effect of leaving me feeling neutral and very tired. Meh. I hope I don't get a cold from the wait we endured... Anyway, here is a post again, finally :) Hopefully more to come. Thank you RicAdemus, just wanted to give you a special plug!

i'm not good at this.

2010-03-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

I was just offered another internship, this one much more intense, time-consuming, and far away from home. In truth, this internship may be much better and rewarding than the one I've got now (yes, I've only been at this one for 3 weeks...).

But I'm not good at this. Frankly I'm really quite scared of how it is going to be like, whether I will do well or just fail. I feel good that it's an opportunity starting me in the face saying I should take it, but at the same time I get very anxious. I don't feel very secure about myself, and I am sensitive to change - can't handle it well. This is probably a good transition...? For going from schooling full-time to working full-time. I know it's a good thing. But I can't help but feel like I'm too afraid to make the change. I'm just so weak of heart.

what's been up + piece of me (march 2010)

2010-03-08T01:36:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I got a bit of a scare when I got a text from my brother saying that my dad underwent surgery. It was pretty unsettling because he hadn't mentioned it to me beforehand, and that had me worrying that it was due to an emergency. It also didn't help that I was unable to reach him on his cell phone all weekend. But, it turns out that it was just a small, benign case of skin cancer on his hand which he got removed, and I hadn't been able to reach him because he spent that weekend at business meetings. Definitely glad he was okay, and it was also something of a reminder to think about him more...

Hmm to update on the internship, I performed well at my last shift in the office, flying solo :D I got a good ole pat on the back, no joke. It is too soon to feel like I got the hang of things though, knowing how inconsistent the boss is. Just hopefully she'll teach me more.

T and I went to Jeff's place Friday night to see him and to celebrate with one of his friends, Max, who had just gotten accepted into grad school here (he's smart). It turns out that Max knew a lot of people I did! Including my first ex, a few of my high school classmates, and my roommate. Such a small world. I had a good time that night, it felt like we all bonded, and I hadn't laughed that much with people other than my close friends in a long time. We ended up staying there until about 7, saw the sunrise pretty much. Mm... I was just thinking again about my future. Not that I am really in a position to do anything about it, but Max is probably my type of guy. He was slightly interested but... it wouldn't happen right now....

Okay, getting tired so I'm wrapping this up:
.....This month....
I like: that spring break is coming. I'm not really sure yet how I'm gonna spend it, but it will be a very welcome break.
I don't like: that I don't have my credit card on me (it got stopped b/c it was suspected to have been stolen, when really I had just spent just a tad too much for the month >.<) I won't be getting the new one for maybe 2 weeks... not that I want to be using it or anything, just feels a little more reassuring to know I had it if I had to use it.
I want you to know: I've been watching the new season of The Amazing Race! Haha, just in case you might want to join in, it's only aired 3 episodes so far.
I've planned: to spend less, study hard to finish this quarter strong, and to not buckle under stress
I want to say to someone special: I am very sorry for the hardships that are going on around you right now, and I'm surprised but happy that you want to give your support. I hope that someday you could openly extend those kinds of feelings towards us too, because it would really encourage the family...

a week of changes

2010-02-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, I went to bed after having spent a very normal weekend doing my usual activities, seeing the usual people, feeling like my usual okay self. But starting Monday, I feel like I'm on some kind of hill, rolling down with no signs of slowing. A lot has happened, not necessarily good things, and it feels as though I can't stop even to catch my breath.

On Monday, I was planning on only getting the haircut, but also actually landed an internship as well. I had applied for it on a whim 3 days earlier, but was asked for an interview and to start working immediately on the same day. I can't decide if I'm lucky or not about this... I've been at work for 2 days now, and I really don't feel like I'm getting any training. She's already throwing projects at me, and I don't know how to work on them. Honestly, I have had a lot of trouble and it's stressful. It's stuff that eventually I should learn to do, but Jane (my boss) doesn't seem to understand that the other interns and I aren't experts yet. Our assignments aren't things we can do just off schooling... and I'm not saying it because I haven't been studying hard. I do well in the related classes, and I understand the concepts, but it takes time and a different kind of learning to apply it to the real world. An intern who is 3-months my senior was unable to do my assigned project.... I am thinking maybe there is another internship out there that will benefit me more in terms of learning.....

I could rant on. But I'm gonna stop, I am not due back in the office until next week, so I won't think about it for now.

To top off my already tumultuous week, I got an iPhone yesterday. It was very spontaneous and unexpected. I mentioned briefly during the day that I wouldn't mind an iPhone and W found a really nice deal from a very legit seller. We went to take a look and I ended up bringing it home with me. What's nice is that it had been kept very close-to-new (no scratches) and the seller had already worked some magic on it so that I can get all apps for free! Also, he gave customer service when I had questions about it, even though he had no obligations to, and he says I can use his warranty if anything happens to the phone through December 2010. Definitely made the week feel a bit less crappy. But now, NO MORE SPENDING. Really, I'm definitely cutting back.

I'm slightly amazed at how slowly this week has gone by. And it's still not over yet. I realize I don't know how I feel about this week.... but right now, only just meh :(

on making decisions

2010-02-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

Last night, the thought crossed my mind to get a haircut. My hair is... pretty long... 2-3 inches past my boob. So I did some research - I want a new style, but not sure what would work well for me. (I'd show you pictures of me but can't find one that shows my hair well and I'm a bit lazy atm to take one, maybe I'll edit later). I looked at lots of pictures online, hoping to find one that I liked while also fitting my face, so I could show the hair-stylist. I would find one and think, "this is the one!" then browse a little more just to be certain and then "wait, how about this one....?" at which point I would go back to the one I'd already found, sit there comparing pros and cons, choose one over the other, go away for a little bit to do something random, then come back, look again, and find that I want to change my mind. AHHHHHH. So indecisive. The haircut is going to be with me for a while, so if I get a crappy one, I'm gonna be stuck with it, you know?

So anyway, I dwelled on the issue for most of the rest of the night, and the thoughts followed me to bed. Don't you hate that? You want to sleep, but what you were thinking prior continues to circulate around in your head, keeping you frustratedly awake... so yeah, I didn't end up sleeping for a while :(

Today is a pretty free day, so I'm thinking about heading out to the place I went last time. It's an hour away in Irvine, but I feel like I'd trust that hair-stylist more. *crosses fingers* I'll show the haircut afterwards :)

Also before I go, I just found two giveaways by maitai, if anyone is interested:

for a Neutrogena wave duo cleanser, see here
for some maitai jewelry, here :)

i'm wearin shorts in february

2010-02-17T22:31:00.000-08:00

Unheard of, had this been four years ago. And I don't mean because it's a fashion trend. The weather in LA the past few days have been ridiculously warm. Just walking around campus getting to my classes makes me uncomfortable, the sunlight felt so intensely hot. As you can probably tell, I'm not one for hot/humid weather :(

Anyway, realizing that the days of shorts and tanks are upon me, I've picked up exercising again. P90x, baby. I'm also going to pop by the gym after my classes, aiming for 2x a week. (I went today too ;P ) Yes, yes, I should have been exercising regularly already..... but I just couldn't resist scarfing down warm, hearty meals while it was cold out, then snuggling under the covers for movies/naps..... sigh. FOCUS. In line with getting more active again, I exercised good restraint and decision making while grocery shopping earlier tonight. Bought good healthy snacks, etc etc.

I would like to lose just 10 pounds. Or 15. Then I would hit my ideal weight. Any tips/hints out there you'd like to recommend? Or good fat-burning exercise routines? I'll also take moral support/encouragement! Hahah. Thanks :)

bittersweet CNY...

2010-02-14T00:24:00.000-08:00

Just before I came home for the weekend to celebrate Chinese New Year with the family, I handed in an essay I wrote on "The Accidental Asian" by Eric Liu. (fun fact - he used to write speeches for President Bill Clinton). I wrote about language, and how it is so culturally connected; the author wrote about his regrets about not feeling like he had a Chinese heritage because he'd abandoned language and culture to get by in an English-speaking world. Maybe it was something of an epiphany, as I wrote and thought about how fragile the link was between me and my ancestors... if I didn't do something to preserve it, what my parents know, where they came from, what heritage they were trying to pass on to me.... it could all end with me.

So coincidental that this should occur to me prior to a very traditional weekend eh?

I've been spending a lot of time talking with and catering to my parents from the moment I got back. In Chinese as much as possible. I feel like I'm very sensitive to the passage of time, I want to capture my moments with them as I realize I am getting older and sooner to being independent of them. I encouraged them if they talked about tradition or their own stories, which I don't think I did enough of back in the day. I want to keep their memories, I wanted to show them I care about this heritage and that they should pass it to me...

I'm tearing up and have dampened the mood for CNY -___- haha, well, I am going to make it a resolution starting now, to pay more attention to this, and not to forget how much I should treasure my parents. They will be like my valentines for the day, since I of course ♥ them (and the bf is not around).

Do I sound a little more mature today? :)

So then, here's hoping everyone out there is having a really great Valentines Day (regardless of your status, get yourselves some chocolate, yum!) and again, happy CNY ;D Don't forget it's a day to show ALL your loved ones that you care.

spending spree weekend + a piece of me (feb 2010)

2010-02-08T01:07:00.000-08:00

I should be sleeping, but I was itching to update :)

I drove down to spend this past weekend with W's family. It was a fun and expensive but totally unproductive weekend sigh. Let's see.... W and I spent about $80 at D&B's trying to win tickets to exchange for the cool prizes. We would wait for little kids to play certain games that added to the jackpot and when they left, we would pounce on the machine and fervently try to hit it. Hahaha. Some games we got pretty pro at, and other games we could only fume at as we sank all our credits into them.... (we're so immature, eh?) At the end of the day, we exchanged for matching D&B mugs, a large D&B towel, and a pack of D&B cards, with over 1000 points left over to use for next time! =] I realized I quite enjoy the machine where you put coins in and watch them fall in, hoping your coin will knock down the piles of coins already inside. I wonder what those machines are called... But in any case, I sat there mesmerizedly playing for a while. Poor man's vegas?.... haha.

We also went on something of a shopping spree. I got a little bit of everything: jeans, lotions (bath&body works), shirts, makeup (urban decay eyeshadows, dior mascara, loreal h.i.p. eyeliner+eyeshadow) and a gift for my parents (Brookstone). For early valentine's (as I'm spending that weekend away, home with family), he got me the two pairs of boots I wanted (Soda and Paprika), and I bought him a Yves Saint Lauren cologne. I pretty much made up for the past few months of minimal spending heh. That includes fooding... I insisted on paying for the Korean BBQ lunch we had today (where they give you the raw meat to grill on your own - bulgogi and black angus deckle), which was pricey but rather worth it. Oh so good.

outfit #2
from the weekend (express, anchor blue)>

I didn't return home until pretty late today and so, no progress was made on my unstarted 5 page essay due this Thursday. Nor was any studying done for my quiz tomorrow. Way to go Kimmy -__-

But. Guiltily. Before I go to bed, I am going to make time to play the Piece of Me game by Notes from a Toothfairy for the first time. =P Hope everyone had a good weekend!

......

This month...

I like: getting new things :) (this typed as I look over at the newly acquired shopping bags by my bed.. sigh)

I don't like: knowing that there is a lot of leftover food I cooked still sitting in the fridge. I hope it will all be eaten on time, or else, so wasteful :(

I want you to know: I'm sorry for this long post...

I've planned: essay, essay, essay by Thursday.....and to keep on top of all other to-dos.

I want to say to someone special: I get mad easily at you a lot, but I really do appreciate you and will work on my temper!

spiny porcupine

2010-02-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

Over the last two days, I've been getting contacted by this friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while. Back in freshman year, he had a crush on me, and it was very obvious... all my other guy friends at the time noticed too, but they didn't have a good opinion of him - they would call him a spiny porcupine because of how he would use too much gel in his hair whenever he saw me (in an attempt to impress me, they would say) and have it all stand up like spines on his head. Anyway, he never took my hints, and still asked me out, in front of those guy friends who was already teasing him (not very smart, huh). The feeling wasn't mutual, and I was kinda interested in someone else at the time... so I just told him I wanted us to be friends.

(Reminds me of a question I've been wondering about... what do you think is the best way to turn someone down? What do you say?)

Anyway, I didn't see him much for a while after that... but last Thursday, we happened to bump into each other, so we grabbed lunch together. Knowing then that I had lunch times free on Thursdays, he called again yesterday hoping we could eat. I told him I was unavailable, so he asked a few hours later for dinner. I didn't really want to.. so I just said I had other things to do. And then, even later that night, he asked if I would be free for lunch today.

I don't want to assume anything about his persistance. For all I know, he could just be hoping to catch up as friends for the long time we've not seen each other... it throws me off a bit how intense it seems. I'm not sure if he knows that I am seeing someone right now. I still want to be friends with him, but I hope he doesn't get the wrong ideas again...

Before I go, I need to rant. Yesterday wasn't too good of a day... I had a lot of time-sensitive things to plan/sort out, I was tired but had to attend a workshop, I had to turn down some friends about going to a party (although I really wanted to), various other little things that really upset me, and as a result of everything, I fought with W at the end of the night. ehh.. it's okay, just have to get my mind off it.

Hope everyone is well! I plan to visit very soon (my midterms are all done now after all~ yay)

and my procrastination continues... chocolate + pictures!

2010-01-26T16:17:00.000-08:00

I've got midterms coming up, so naturally, I am here. -__-

I cannot stop my chocolate cravings! Let's see what I have been eating...

W got me a small box of Lindor milk chocolate truffles last week which we have both already devoured
I have a box of the new chocolate-flavored Cheerios (which don't taste as weird as I expected it to - and it's whole grain!)
there is a sizeable portion of a huge delicious chocolate birthday cake sitting in my fridge that my friend could not finish, and I've been picking away at it little by little..
>.<

So I got upset for about half an hr earlier today because the boots on sale that I wanted to order...are no longer on sale. Yesterday, which was apparently the last day of the sale, I was going to place my order. But then, due to this and that, it didn't happen, and when I went back to the site today to check it out, all the sale prices were gone.... I'm over it now, but it is just unsettling that I could have saved quite a bit of money. I like deals :(

Before I get back to the books, just thought I would put up some pictures I found in my camera today:

(left) W with the giant Shamu stuffed animal he won for me at Seaworld shooting 3-point shots into the hoops behind him. (right) At Dine-with-Shamu next to the whales :D

top of the dam at Oroville which I visited this past December - I like how it just stretches on into the distance

......

So I've decided I want to keep track of how my style changes.

Here's outfit #1, worn to class today.

(top - bought @ a petite store in HK last summer; accessory - jewelry store in Macau; leggings - HK also?; boots - Journeys)

Oh, and also some notes to self:

write reply email to professor/boss about internship and spring job
write letter back for Christin (germany)

giveaway @ stacieeelovesit ~

2010-01-25T18:19:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I'm entering one of these giveaways, wish me luck! haha.

The prizes:

If you are interested in joining also, check out Stacie's blog for the details HERE: http://stacieeelovesit.blogspot.com/2010/01/stacies-3rd-giveaway.html

In other news, I have developed something of an [online] shopping urge recently. I was looking at boots online for awhile late last night (I plan to order two pairs soon - they're on sale ^^), and also at rings. I want to replace the one that W lost over the summer >:(. I should ask him to shop for that with me... [note to self]...

4.5-hours of monopoly with who?

2010-01-25T01:26:00.000-08:00

Last night, after hitting the bar (F.O.) with W, I pulled out the Monopoly box from under his bed and started to play with him. Our gameplay attracted the rest of his apartmentmates. Apparently, W and I had been "playing by the wrong rules all along", Brian announced indignantly, so we started a new game, with the rest of the audience. And with that, yes, we played Monopoly vigorously and in an intense-cutthroat manner for nearly 5 hours until 3 in the morning. We actually didn't even notice the time pass. In the end, we were rather ruthlessly destroyed by Alex, who was ironically the one person who had never ever played Monopoly in any form in her life.

Although I want to say I enjoyed a rare night with everyone home, it is hard to describe how I actually felt with Alex being around. Initially when we first met, it was weirdness, because she was such a close friend of my boyfriend's - and somehow we weren't able to talk to each other very much. Then, it was some competition, because T, who she now dates, used to have a thing for/with me. Also, I think we are both the kind of girl that's not the type to get buddy-buddy with people right away, and so it's hard for us to get past this awkward "I-acknowledge-you-but-don't-know-what-to-say-to-you-now" phase. And lately, it's just... I don't even know. (Although last night I was rather pissed at her because she was playing Monopoly so stringently against everyone even tho she was already in the lead and didn't have to suck the fun out of the game.)

Alex and I are the only two girls who spend the most time over at the guys' place (because our boyfriends are apartmentmates). She actually lives an hour away, but will come to spend every weekend here, without fail. It is sad, but the guys other than T have very poor impressions of her, saying she is annoying or loud when she laughs or too PDA or whatever else there is... It makes me wonder what kind of an impression I leave on them too, being another girl that's always around. I live on the same floor as they do, so I technically could be around a lot more, although I'm not because I make sure I have time for my own friends/work. W and I don't go crazy with affection around them, and I try to talk to everybody else in a non-intrusive way so as not to make them uncomfortable with me. I feel like I'm more conscious of all this because I hear how they feel about Alex, and I hope that they are okay with me and not as bothered by my presence.

Maybe it's the way I was brought up. It's always been important to me (sometimes too important) how I come across to people... *shrug* =/

cloudy with a chance of major rain

2010-01-19T23:10:00.000-08:00

Today, the one day that I decided I wasn't going to bother checking the weather before leaving for class, it rained very very hard and dropped 20 degrees.

When I left the apartment in jeans, a hoodie, and flip-flops, it was still okay. It didn't feel any different from any other overcast day around here. Chilly, but dry. Three hours later after all my classes were over, I walk outside and I'm caught in sheets of rainwater. I couldn't even hop on the usual bus which was only 5 minutes away because I had procrastinated in doing an assignment due tomorrow, so I had to trudge through rain and freezing wind to get to the library 15 minutes away to borrow the book I needed. It actually took me almost half an hr to get there because I kept making stops along the way as I was shuddering so badly through my soaked hoodie and my feet were unbelievably cold. I kept debating whether I should first go home and get dressed properly, grab an umbrella, then come back for the book later. My laziness beat all - since I was already on campus, why not just get everything done and over with. And so, I did what I had to do at the library, looking like I just took a shower in my clothes. Then, another 25 minutes or so of rain, bus-ride, and walking, and I burst into my apartment and finally strip off all the wet clothes. (I was warmer naked even than in my clothing). I then scarfed down a bowl of rice and meat. heh.

Don't anybody take overcast days lightly like I did :(

Oh, and to make it all better, I haven't even started recovering from the cold I've had since Friday... aye...

M.I.A. in LA

2009-12-17T18:30:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy few days, sorry for the lack of writing/visiting :P I "escaped" to San Diego for some fun and distraction before I came back to see the family and to start thinking about real world issues again.

Main attraction of the week: Seaworld!
I do not have the guts for roller coasters, so parks like this are right up my alley :) It was my first time there. W and I practically owned the place since it was a Monday and, I dunno, it was kinda cold. We did the Dine-with-Shamu thing which was pretty cool (buffet style with the whales only a thin railing away). I also developed a strange fondness for bat rays while I was there... if you ever get the chance to touch one (one that won't sting you, of course), do it.

I had a goal for that day. I was determined not to leave the park without a Shamu stuffed animal in tow, but those things are sooo expensive at the gift shops (surprise, surprise). W and I found this booth where you could win a GIANT Shamu stuffed animal if you could make 3 three-point basketball shots. I suggested that W just win me one, so he tried. I guess he wasn't lying before when he said he was good at the sport. He sunk all 3 in a row within a minute and got me my HUGE Shamu (it is practically as big as I am). Yay. All the little kids were jealous when I carried it around :)

We visited some other hot spots in the area that I'd wanted to see, like the food places and the beach. I miss our hotel too, it wasn't too special or anything, but it was just so nice to not clean up. Then yesterday we spent the day at the apartment, watching Big Bang Theory. We also finished putting together the 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle of Snoopy :) I haven't decided where I want to hang it. Also watched Up In The Air and New Moon (movie-hopped~) on one of those days.

And now, I am back at home, after missing my first flight (by just 3 minutes, I was so pissed) and was lucky enough to get a seat in the next one. I am strangely exhausted for being on vacation, but it's great. How is everyone else's?

bury the castle

2009-12-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

Paramore
"Brick by Boring Brick"
Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic
If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh even in the dark
And that's where I want to be...

My mom called yesterday for a chat. She asked why I changed my mind about spending a week in Boston/NY over winter break, since it was something I had been really excited about. I told her about my insecurities, mainly about how I felt uncomfortable going on such a long-distance trip with W because I don't think I have the strongest of feelings for him. I don't want to mislead him into believing our relationship is more deep than it actually is.

She scolded me for being too "nice". "Again". If you want to go on this trip, and you have someone who has the time and is willing to go with you, why should you not do what you want?, she asked. She started referring to my last 2 relationships, berating me for not having learned my lessons from them. I had been too self-sacrificing and naive, too concerned about how the guy felt instead of being outright and protective of myself, put too much into my relationships, apparently. I wonder if she's right?

I was indignant at first.. I'm sure no one likes being told off for doing things they don't think are wrong. But it got me thinking if maybe I AM too much of a romantic. I do have silly idealistic views about relationships, I suppose. Does this make me weak/vulnerable? Or not smart about being in relationships? Would it really be "wiser" to act more selfishly?

I don't know...

In any case, the East Coast trip plans are off anyway. Instead, I vouched for exploring a little more of the areas around here, which is not a bad alternative, seeing as there is a whole list of places I want to visit and things I want to try. I hope I can sort myself out soon.

it's official.

2009-12-04T01:56:00.000-08:00

I cannot stand people who ask me for my notes. I'm sorry, but no, you cannot copy them! =( I actually spend time, pay attention, and put in honest effort to write up good lecture notes.

This morning, despite being very unwilling to get out of bed, I showed up on time to my 8 am class and stayed awake for the entire hour of lecture, making sure I caught every and all details. The lectures for this class are difficult, but I took good notes. After class, an acquiantance of mine in the same class asked, very excitedly, to see them, saying he knew I had good notes. I immediately felt irked. First of all, I barely know the guy; secondly, he had previously obnoxiously asked to look at my other work/notes several times before; and thirdly, I had little doubt that he had put in much effort to writing any of his own notes.

I just get really bothered by the idea of letting someone who doesn't even try get a free pass to my hard work. That's not unreasonable, right? I mean, if he had notes also to compare with/ contribute to mine, I would not mind at all mutually helping each other out with notes. But here he was completely mooching off me, and I couldn't say no with him right there. -____- UGH.

Anyway... I had a rather long day today, but I got to drive around a little bit in my
"new" car [see left] (it was actually bought 3 years ago for my mom, but she's driven it almost never, so it's practically new and has now recently been designated to me).

My sweet tooth was pretty demanding today, but as much as I wanted to go grab a milk tea / chocolate croissant, I had to buckle down and pound out a paper for tomorrow. Maybe after class...

dear fickle self...

2009-11-30T22:49:00.000-08:00

Why do you always have to make yourself unnecessarily stressed? You make a big deal out of small things that don't go your way. You find something wrong with everything. You want things but reject them at the same time, and then get annoyed and angry that you have to figure out which one is really true. You know that school is not an excuse for your bitchiness.. and you know that W didn't exactly do anything to warrant your frustration.

The sucky part is that you don't even know how to explain why/how you feel the way you do.

And there's more to think about. You had horrible time management so now you have a crapload of stuff you have to do within this week, on top of planning for winter break, studying, extra lecture, dinner plans, roommate's birthday, etc etc etc. You feel worse because you had so much time... so so so much time when you could have done those things.

And now, of all times, why are you thinking about the way things used to be with R. This is no time to be thinking about that selfish dbag. Sure, he used to do everything just right, and if W were him, you would be expecting a call from him right now, at just the moment you want him to call you the most. W is not him.

You really need to figure yourself out.

a weekend out of place

2009-11-23T03:37:00.000-08:00

In only 2 days, I make the 5 hour drive back home to spend Thanksgiving with the family. But "why wait?", my senioritis-struck self asked. It feels as though I've started vacation early... this whole past weekend I've spent like a bum. It was relatively carefree, very reminiscent of the weekends I spent two summers ago here in L.A. - single, wild, fun, hungover. Strangely, a weekend like this now just didn't seem right. All it did was remind me of what has changed since then. And I guess it's a little weird, as it always is, to see the same people in the same settings, yet completely different.

On Friday, it began with Jason's 21st-birthday party. I got there around 11, but before I even stepped foot into his apartment, I see Tommy (my love-hate little bro from the frat) at the door, on his way out. While the two of us hardly see each other, we are rather inseparable/endearing when we do, despite our very blatant mutual "hate" and "disgust". So, naturally, once he caught sight of me, he grabbed me, stuffed me under his arm, and proceeded to drag me off, all while yelling insults surrounding my inability to make time for him. It turned out he was headed for another party, and he was determined on taking me there. Long story short (as I was only there for an hour), I downed 3 shots of I-don't-remember-what as an "entrance fee" (-___-), played and won a game of beer pong, and left to return to Jason's by 12 am for his birthday, with a comfortable buzz.

For the rest of the night, I spent most of my time with Vince, David, and Calvin, separately. To put it very briefly, we never ended up dating, but there had always been a possibility for each of them at some point in time.

Of course, I have W now, and he is a very good boyfriend to me. It just felt like a flash to that past when those 3 had been options after my last, heartbreaking relationship. And now, I suppose we're "friends" - it is thankfully not awkward. Regardless of past emotions, they kept me company in turns throughout the night, and I enjoyed the pleasant chemistry, until the end of the night when we said our warm goodbyes and returned to our very separate lives. Maybe things will be different yet again the next time I see them...

Ironically, my ex (yes, that last ex) was also there. But I am proud to say I have since mastered my own heart, gotten it back from him. The whole night, it was as though he was not even there. Two summers ago, the mere sight of him would grip my heart and have me dashing for the nearest exit to cry, out of sight. That night, his appearance still stirred something deep within me, but I have simply nothing more to feel for him, not love, nor respect. It was a hard journey...

Saturday was spent in bed, with the occasional trip to the bathroom to puke whatever I had drunk the night before (Bacardi 151 included, never drinking that shit again). All too much like those old morning-afters. There was a reason there haven't been weekends like the wild ones that summer. Once I'm out of college, I am pretty sure I will never drink like this again. Nausea is terrible, and throwing up is one of my most hated things. After finally emptying my stomach, W and I finished Hell's Kitchen season 6 (I had been rooting for the winner since the start, so I was quite happy with the finale), and also watched this weird and ridiculous but okay movie Hot Fuzz. Sunday was also very homely - we woke up late, baked cookies, ate leftovers.

All in all, it was a completely unproductive weekend. But in that regard, I guess nothing's changed =)

breakfast drives my day...

2009-11-20T21:41:00.000-08:00

Look?! It's a live Pikachu!! The nerd in me could not resist looking up this picture (searched for a good 5 minutes through IM convos to find the link) after seeing a fat squirrel on campus yesterday in a similar pose. Yah, I'm a dork -__-

So, as the days get colder and colder, it's been harder and harder to get up at 7 in the mornings. All my 8 am morning classes happen to be important, and I've been pretty good about making all of them =] But while I used to be able to get out of bed at 7, I now get up at 7:15-20, leaving me only 20 minutes or so to get ready and go catch the shuttle to school.

I got up later than usual this morning, which led me to skip breakfast today. I try my best to get a decent breakfast in me every morning, otherwise I get quite faint and it's hard to concentrate. My metabolism has gotten used to kicking in early. As soon as I got to class, I was starving and that was not good considering I had about 2 hours of consecutive class to sit through. I managed to get through the first hour, then was defeated by my poor rumbling tummy, and hightailed it back home to grab food before coming back for the afternoon classes. Sigh, such weak willpower.

But, speaking of willpower, I managed to keep myself from making a tempting stop for boba on my way home earlier this evening. Gotta keep off the pounds despite getting to wear more layers for winter...

to be or not to be the peacemaker?

2009-11-18T23:07:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I was invited by my new apartmentmates and roommate of two years, T, to a club/lounge in Hollywood for a fun night out. Initially, I was shy, being unfamiliar with the new girls, but I had not been out clubbing in MONTHS and I guess I was feeling in the mood for some grooving.... so I agreed and we had a great time. [note to self here: I really need to go shopping, there were so many cute styles I'd like to own!] Besides when I almost fainted once towards the end of the night (I only had time for a dinner of a small bowl of cereal before we had to head out), I had a pretty good time, got to let loose :)

>> That's me on the right, wearing for the first time that crazy sparkly top I bought last year.

Yesterday, I was told by J (a close friend of mine and T's) that she had really wanted to come to the event also, but that she did not because she had been lied to. I was not aware, but apparently, T had denied her an invitation to come along with the excuse that it was pretty exclusive. It was not actually exclusive at all. In fact, T brought along 2 other random friends, who asked to join us only an hour before we set out, which only made J more pissed. Sounds like some silly girl drama here, as I type this all out.... and I'm the one person close to the both of them with the position to help patch things up. J has asked me to say nothing, as she's hoping T will bring it up on her own like she should. Eh. The 3 of us have been good friends for a long time now, but would it be selfish to say that right now I really just want to sit this one out? Getting involved in other people's business is always a tricky situation, especially when told not to. Still, just cuz I'm their friend, I wonder if I should go ahead and drop some hints...

Okay, on a different note, I love chocolate. No matter when, where, why....of course, it's not the most slimming food. But I've found that I can get my chocolate fix AND a few servings of healthy fiber with these AWESOME chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. We made a large batch two weeks ago. Killed it all within a few days. The recipe is pretty simple. Oh gosh, I am already itching to bake some. Maybe tomorrow.

unsupervised, i could waste hours on end

2009-09-04T23:16:00.001-07:00

I'm quite the hypocrite. I always insist to the bf to be "more independent, more mature [like me]"... but for the past few days during which he was out of town, I haven't been managing my own time or priorities. Wasted hours cooking food that I wasn't gonna eat yet and catching up on Weeds.

Anyway, just here to get my blogging fix so I can get back to the books.

MG came by today to mooch internet. I can never act naturally around him anymore, not since the time he made a pass at me. Needless to say, since I was the only one at the apartment, it was a little awkward, at least to me. He has a gf now tho (one who gives him nasty hickies, I observed), and apparently they can be heard through the walls...

Anywho, he had trouble with his laptop so he had to borrow mine. While using it, he got dangerously close to discovering this blog -- none of my friends in RL know that I keep this blog. My rationale to keeping it my own is probably obvious: I want to write about everything that happens to me, everything I think, everything I want, as freely as I want. But then I realized too, that this blog wasn't the only thing I wouldn't have wanted other people to see.

I like spending time alone discovering/experiencing things by myself sometimes. I'm a closet-introvert like that. In public, I'm chill and sociable, albeit mysteriously out of reach at times. I say this about myself because I actually have secret interests and hobbies that I pretend I don't know about. (For example, I was really into drawing at one time, but when people at school made fun of people who drew, I wouldn't indulge publicly in the habit...) It's a little cowardly I suppose, but it's something I've been doing for a long time, by instinctual need to be socially accepted or whatever... It's not something I like, I mean, I wish I could just always come clean with everything, but somehow I want to keep a veil between the real me and the outside, potentially-criticizing world.

Sometimes I think it may be the reason I feel like I have limited true friends. But what can I do, old habits die hard...

got the job!

2009-09-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

I just got hired by my professor as her TA (teacher assistant) for the coming school year. =]

I'm feeling accomplished, but a little dreading at the same time. This job is gonna suck hours out of me during the quarter... not to mention I still feel slightly intimidated by her - she was all sweet when we first started discussing internships and whatnot, but of late, she seemed rather snappy. I hope she's not gonna be a biotch when we start working together.

It turns out I'm gonna get paid too, in addition to getting first pick for her internship =D How much, I don't know. I'm just feeling good that I'm finally making myself proud.

Yayayayay

who the hell is shannon davis?

2009-09-03T20:09:00.001-07:00

I guess this blogspot will now be the official place for which I unload the many things that my head thinks about. I had a blog over at this website for about 10 years, but recently I lost my domain due to my inactivity :[ I wish they would have let me pick up my old posts and stuffs before doing the cut....

Anyway, today was an eventful day.

1050 am - I caught the shuttle, hoping to have shaken off the annoying girl living on my floor, but she made it onto the same bus and I had to walk to class with her
130 pm - got hit on while walking back from said class for 10 minutes by an African American college athlete who drove by but turned around and pulled up to holler because he thought "my legs were nice". He DID drive a really slick new Jaguar though........ (just playin')
5 pm - annoying girl on my floor came over for the bajillionth time, complained as usual about her life, then left when she realized I was uninterested
630 pm - gathered up my courage and called my professor who was offering me a TA position and possible internship
645 pm - got off the phone with professor, feeling discouraged, because it seemed like too much of a time commitment and I am ridiculously bad at time management
650 - 730 pm - finally got convinced through several friends' opinions that I should just take the job and work harder. poop
750 pm - sent confirming email. Now to wait and see if I got it for sure.
820 pm - remembered and decided to step foot on my blogspot page again for the first time in months. so here I am. :]

I found the time this past weekend during my visit home to grab lunch with Mar from my frat. We've been really close friends, so I was one of the few to find out that weekend that his girlfriend, whom I also know, faltered in a moment of weakness and cheated on him with her ex while in Japan. They've broken up since, but I was shocked that it was Mar's idea to lie about the real reason for the breakup. He had just gotten his heart broken by someone he says he loved, but to protect her from criticism by their mutual friends, he decided to keep the hurt to himself. And I thought, there are still kind people in the world. Granted, she may not have deserved it, but he didn't want to hurt her back.

Granted I did not deserve any special honors, my ex didn't seem to be able to spare any thoughts. Long story short, when we broke up due to his problem with one of my white lies, he decided to proclaim our breakup to the world, slander me to our mutual friends as well as my own, and proceeded to date a girl within our friend circle just to see me wither away in pain. So yeah, I thought it quite chivalrous of Mar to do away with the bitterness.

Anyway, this exact same past weekend, that ex of mine texted to ask some stupid questions that his current gf (the same one he got with after breaking up with me) or anyone else of Chinese ethnicity could have answered. This is not the first time he's attempted using some lame way to start talking to me again out of the blue. I don't feel anything for him, as I neither like him nor do I want to be friends with him, and yet he seems to think that, 2 years later, doing this somehow "patches things up between us" and allows us to "keep in touch".

I have been cynical ever since the rough breakup. So it was pleasantly surprising that there are still guys like Mar who act upon sincere, gut feelings rather than upon revenge and image. Love is a weird thing.

Ciao~

another bad frickin day

2009-07-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's the stress. The drama with getting my parking spot secured for next year. The fact that I have a huge project AND a final to take in less than a week. The homesickness and loneliness that no one seems to be able to help me out with. Or maybe it's my love life. It's so complicated and so messy, I want to just walk away. I want to put an end to something that is causing me unhappiness. But instead, the unhappiness is heightened because I can't yet.

And so overall, everything is making me unhappy. And all the things that I would turn to for relief are not there. Feels like I'm stuck in an unhappy hole and no one is around to pull me out of it, except W, who doesn't have the strength to do it even though he's there. I'm in a bad mood so I will say mean things. Don't want to go into details, just want to say, he's disappointing. Even more disappointing after having invested time and expected him to know me better by now. Maybe he just won't ever be what I'm looking for. And that's too bad...

new home away from home

2009-06-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

I just settled into my new apartment, and so far it's been really nice! The apt itself is spacious and clean, and my apartmentmates, even though I don't know them well, have been great as of right now as well. I've also recently now been driving, as I got to bring my car down! The only thing to complain of, though, is how hard it is to find parking sometimes, especially since I still haven't gotten down the best times to come looking for spots, and considering how my car is not all that small. It's only been 3-4 days, but just that issue has been stressing already.

The other day I got crazily frustrated with my roommate, who I've lived with for two years already. She is generally very dependable, but asking her for help two nights ago actually made me very upset. I won't go into it... but after that I'm determined to be able to mostly do things myself.

But I gotta say, having a car around here has been pretty frickin nice. It's so much more convenient to go places. I don't have to depend on anyone else or wait for other people to want to go where I want to go. Now I can go when I want, and with or without the people I want =] Last night W and I were able to go to watch a movie at a place where we couldn't have gone previously without a car. And he was nice enough to help me park my car before walking all the way home himself. We're still not official but... I don't think I mind. Maybe I got over the title thing.

mini cheesecakes

2009-06-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

I don't really have a lot of time for cooking, with school and everything going on, but this is one of the very few things that I can make and that is unique. So if anyone is ever like, "let's do dinner and bring different foods!", I can always call dessert and make this =] My family really likes it.

I keep forgetting the exact recipe tho, so here it is for my reference. You can also try it out, I think it's pretty easy.

MINI-CHEESECAKES
ingredients:

12 vanilla wafers
2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 eggs

directions:

line a cupcake baking pan (for 12) with paper cupcake cups
fill the bottoms of the cups with vanilla wafer (crushed)
in a bowl, mix together the cream cheese, sugar, eggs, and vanilla extract until creamy
pour the mixture into the cups, filling 3/4
bake in oven at 325F for 25 min
allow to cool, or chill for colder, then eat plain or top with favorite topping!
(fruit, strawberry preserve, chocolate syrup, etc etc)

I feel like making it now actually, just writing down the recipe haha. But I think I'm gonna save it for the holidays. Hopefully this summer, cooking for myself in the apt, I'll learn more recipes =]

blogger's block / the "middle-man" dilemma

2009-06-01T16:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only blogger out there who doesn't really know what to say. Honestly, it's not that I've neglected this blog these months. I've been coming every now and then, but when I want to start a blog post, I stop.... and I wonder what I am gonna write about. I feel like I wanna write about that one interesting thing of the day, but when I can't think of anything worth writing about, I just don't wanna write a boring summary of what I did and ate that day. Where do other bloggers get their inspirations, I wonder?

Anyway, I had a good weekend for the most part (minus the crammed studying and hurried paper-writing). W and I watched UP, which was amazing! It's a movie I wouldn't mind watching in theaters again =] and a MUST-SEE if you still haven't yet! *spazz* heh just kidding. partially. The kid in me never goes away...

Also, last week, I got the chance to grab lunch with C, former apartment mate. To be honest, I was actually just very nosy and interested in hearing her side of a rumor that had been going around for weeks now. I was hearing from W and some of my other guy friends that she was dating T, my asshole of a guy friend who twice had a crush on me at the wrong times. In fact, the 2nd time was recently, right around the time I started dating W. And it was also right before this thing he seems to be having now with C. And here is the dilemma... C believes that T has been into her from the start, which a few of us friends know not to be true, as he was attempting to ask me out at that time. I don't want to tell C that, as I wouldn't wanna ruin T's chances with her, but at the same time, as her friend too, I feel like there are some things that she might wanna know about him in making this decision to start this thing with him. Things like, oh, how he has incorrigible anger problems, he's rude and inconsiderate, and he's actually rather shady. During dinner tho, I kept my mouth shut... I didn't know what to say at the time and decided it would be best to just leave it all alone. If ever, C would find out on her own right? I think I'm gonna refrain from taking a page out of Melody's book and keep myself from causing trouble.

And finally, just for my records, my good friends T and J both have boyfriends now. I'm the last to jump on the bandwagon, but I'm guessing I'm not all too far behind, since W and I have been doing pretty well. It's weird how we all fell out of relationships around the same time over a year ago, and now are getting into them again together. Tsk tsk, it's something about spring....

i'm back, but my spirit is still out there somewhere

2009-03-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

Spring break is over... and today was the first day of classes. So tiring... and I realize I'm another quarter closer to graduating from college. The thought makes me sad :[ And a lot of my older friends - my older brothers from other mothers - are already graduating and leaving in less than 3 months... Their jobs are going to take them to faraway places, and I may not ever see some of them ever again... so depressing. :(

In other news, my short trip to Asia was fun for the most part. I didn't have enough time, but at the same time, it was just enough. It was rainy for the last half of it anyway... and there were some boring family affairs that had to be taken care of as usual, but overall it was a nice trip. But as much as I loved the places I visited, there's just something about it. Like, I don't think I could live there long-term. I met up and had lunch with Andrew in HK, gambled legally for the first time at one of the beautiful casinos in Macau, and got driven around by my mom's friend's son (one of the richest playboys on the island, no joke). It was pretty fun :] If I have the time, pictures will come.

After I got back from the trip, I spent the weekend with W. He was trying very hard to make up for the last time he disappointed me at SD. And I gotta say it worked. He drove me to and showed me around this place that I've always wanted to go, tried dinner with me at this famous place (we ordered way too much food which I stupidly left behind after going through all the trouble of packing it to take home), and finally we went to the beach in the dark. We also got his ears pierced :] He claims he had always wanted to do it, but I know he never really did - he admitted later that it was because I had mentioned offhandedly that I think he'd look good with them. I've decided that while I may not be sure whether or not I want to be with him yet, I definitely like how sincere he is in what he says and how he acts towards me.

My sleeping schedule is still messed up tho... so I gotta take my nap now. Will check in again laterrr

i want a webcam

2009-03-12T11:23:00.001-07:00

So I just discovered Skype, because I'm gonna be going out of the country after taking my tests, and I wanted to stay in touch with everyone. I wish I had a freaking web cam... I never really had the need to get one before. W is testing it out with me right now, and so I can see him but he can't see me, and it's fun hahaha. He looks effing good on web cam. =]

With my brother's urging, I preordered one of the new nintendo DSi's yesterday. I hope it's worth it, and I HAVE been wanting it for a long timee.. man, I really feel crazy boyish sometimes. I like playing video games so much. It's definitely because I grew up with a younger brother.

I'm gonna have to cut this update short, cuz I got a lotta studying to get to. But I will leave with this picture...

I WANT A BUNNY LIKE THIS!!! ♥

SD weekend w/ Chris, my roommate, W, and puppies

2009-03-05T13:50:00.000-08:00

Finally got the chance to write againnn :)

This past weekend was really nice. It was my first time visiting my friend (and first ex) Chris at his place in SD, and I met a lot of his friends (including his latest girlfriend). He's still the same as ever.... it's been quite a while since the last time he and I actually hung out, but I was so happy that we are still the close friends we are. I always feel high on life whenever I rediscover a friendship. And I realize Chris will probably be a best friend that I hope to never lose.

I don't really feel like writing everything about how W came and spent a day with me this past weekend... but basically, over the weekend, he made it clear to me that he did like me and wanted to know if I felt the same. I told him truthfully that I still didn't know.... but at the end of the day, I was actually almost half convinced I did NOT want him as a boyfriend... I feel like I have certain things I look for in a guy, and W did not exhibit a lot of those things. And when he wouldn't do some things I expected.. his points started going down. Maybe I am too picky? Or too high maintenance? Half the time, he's just the right kind of cutesy - and then the other half of the time, I feel like he's not my type. ahhh??

W said he is going to wait. I feel a little bad just because I am testing the waters with him (hanging out, taking naps, etc), and yet I am capable of suddenly turning 180 and telling him that I think we should just be friends. I don't want to give him the wrong idea and have him think that I am starting something with him when ultimately I am still unsure about him. What should I do? Should I hang out with him less or keep a distance? Although at the same time, I feel it is necessary to "test-drive" him as a boyfriend to see if he fits.... He says he doesn't mind, but I mean, if I want to be friends with him in the case it doesn't work out, shouldn't we be more cautious?

My tests are coming up soon, in just 2 weeks. I haven't started studying yet... and this is gonna be a note to myself to get my ass on it. I want to do well this quarter. I know I can study better, so I'm gonna try to make this happen. I'm starting tonight, with my study buddy (and pseudo older brother) M. W is gonna have to deal with hanging out with me less. And I can't afford to play so much anymore..... TWO WEEKS, Kimmy, cmon. but don't worry I will still blog :D

weekend to come + A-Z

2009-02-27T10:46:00.000-08:00

I'm going to SD this weekend! Leaving tonight. The plan is as follows:

FRI: upon arriving at SD tonight - crash the party my friend Chris (friends of 7 years now, haven't seen him in a while) is hosting
SAT: breakfast with Chris and his girlfriend, then W is picking me up and taking me out for the day, at night - crash another friend's bday party
SUN: dunno, but I have to come home this day............ :(

As excited as I am, I'm feeling super guilty about going all out this weekend, cuz I DO have a freaking crapload of work to get done and studying that I should be doing instead......

Yes so... (Sorry I'm about to talk about W again right now. Just skip sections about him if you get tired of hearing of him, but things are just moving along and there's always something I feel like writing about him. Heh -__- ) I just thought it was kind of sweet that W is going to come to SD just to hang out on Saturday. He was not originally going to spend his weekend there, but he really wanted to take me out to "explore SD" and spend time together. I had my doubts before, but maybe he likes me =] This weekend will be like a "pseudo-date", I guess? I will update when I returnnnn.

Before I scamper off, I'm gonna do this meme because Mel tagged me :]
RULES: 1. to each letter of the alphabet, write a word connected to you
2. tag 6 people

Asian - I am super non-fobby, but at heart I love all (or most) things azn
Bananas - I can never eat them alone, they must be in cereal or in chocolate
Crazy - is how I get when I get hyper, it's scary
Dancing - I wish I could dance hip-hop...I'm way too uncoordinated (I've tried)
Evil - lol I feel evil when I laugh a certain way... like "heh heh heh"
Future - uncertain. Not good.
Graceless - as before mentioned, I'm pretty klutzy :(
Hersheys! - I like this chocolate.
Inbox - I check my emails and text msgs pretty religiously, I realize
Juice - orange juice is so good
Kimmy - cuz I can't think of any other word at the moment
Lefty - I'm left-handed!
Music - you would not believe how much music I have and listen to
Nice - I hope this is what people think about me
Optimistic
Perfectionist - maybe even a little OCD-ish
Quarters - I tried collecting the new state quarters once, but yeah, gave that up
Racing - I like race car games.
Stuffed animals - I LOVE
Time - I feel like I never have enough... because I always procrastinate
Useless - when it comes to planning things, I fail 90% of the time
Voices - I admire singing voices
Water - I drink a lot of water everyday =)
X - 2 ex's
Yoga - is something I keep saying I'll try.
Zits - i hate them =( I have one right now.

OKAY I'm really running late, so I'm gonna go now. I haven't tagged anyone for this, but if you're reading and wanna do it, do it! I'll read when I come back.

Have a good weekend all~

i wonder if i ever do anything people hate.

2009-02-24T21:15:00.000-08:00

I'm online right now with one of my friends who hasn't stopped typing to me for the past 5 minutes, and I haven't even gotten any word in... so I just stopped and I'm letting her finish her fanatic typing first. And I came to thinking about how it irks me sometimes when people only talk and don't listen... I think it's inconsiderate and defeats the purpose of having a conversation with someone. Meh.

I wonder if anyone's ever been irked at me for doing something that I don't know I do?

OH BTW. I put a picture of W on my left hand column. =] We've still been talking a lot, but again, everything's tentative. Two nights ago, my little (from the frat) took me out to late night food at 4 am, and he had me bring W, who was hanging out with me at the time (yeah... W and I were supposed to be working on our labs together). Apparently, the two of them already knew each other from playing basketball... and my little approves of him just because he thinks W plays good ball. hahah. We'll seeeeee.

Everyone should check out Leslie ft. Bobby Valentino - Accorde Moi.

here it is, the lovesick post i dread to write.

2009-02-20T20:55:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I finally met the person that my guy friends always mention and play basketball with. I am going to name him "W". I had heard of him for a long time, but I had never met him, until coincidentally last weekend the guys came to have dinner with me after playing ball. We all ended up hanging out afterwards, playing beer pong/poker/truth-or-dare until 6:30 in the morning.

When W and I first met, we were both just polite and probably just whatevers. But as the night wore on, I came to notice that he was actually my type... athletic, chill, pretty good looking. And I realize there's something attractive to me about a guy who is very oblivious. I mean, in a way where he only pays attention to what's going on in front of him (pays attention to who he's talking to, etc), and doesn't look around him all the time. I wonder if that makes any sense? (Deep down.. I think I may like it because my ex is the opposite and would always look around himself like the shady person he is.) Anyway, I say he is oblivious because I found myself noticing him more towards the latter part of the night and I made the observation.

At the very end of the night, we all stood around the front door of F's apartment, trying to decide how we were all going to share umbrellas,etc to get home in the rain that was pouring outside. W and I were standing across from each other and (as I was already glancing at him from time to time)..... I caught him looking back at me a few times. I wrote it off as a fluke. Eventually, he and I were paired up to walk home together, since we lived in the same area. I was nervous but we got home okay... Ever since we met that night, we've been somehow talking everyday online, and no, I did not initiate! By some small random events, we even ended up getting each others' numbers, etc.

I have my theories/interpretations of some of the things he says, or his vibes... but I think what's the most enticing thing about this whole thing is not just that he's my type. I like that every conversation/interaction we have is very natural. It's the most important thing to me, to be able to get along with him. Now, whether he really is interested or not is another story.... and I don't like disappointing myself (which I already do often -__-) so I am not going to analyze and try to figure out what his signs mean.

I worry about myself... because I can feel that maybe I am going to develop a crush on him. This is a scary thing for me, especially after the breakup with my ex. I got hurt pretty badly last time, so it's not easy knowing that I'm so close to being vulnerable again. And, unless I'm wrong, he is playing his cards very well.... I don't have confidence.

So there it is, a rant of the nature that I have not ever been compelled to write in this past year since my breakup with R. But who knows, maybe this isn't even gonna go anywhere. He'd still make a good friend, probably.

i ♥ my mommy.

2009-02-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

So for whatever reason, I just had a random flashback about this one time my whole family and I were playing badminton on our front lawn. (This is going to sound so mean, but my mom is all okay and she laughs at it too.) My mom and my dad are pretty competitive about it because they both used to play it a lot when they were younger. So they would be yelling taunts at each other in Chinese, equivalent to things like "suck on that!" or "yeah that's right biotch!". And then my dad made this one lob that went up and far, and my mom was running over to hit it back, yelling some obnoxious comment about how that was an easy shot.

She was running and running and she was gonna get it....
....But the mailbox on the lawn got in her way.

Pretty much she ran smack into it. But don't worry, she was okay! We laughed at it for days... and just now when I thought about it, I still burst out in fond laughter. Sigh I love my mom.

Note to self: mom also hollered at some French lady in Canada. on accident.

on screening phone calls.

2009-02-12T23:41:00.000-08:00

I am going to be honest and say that I do this sometimes. Am I a jerk?

I was thinking about this because I just got off the phone with my roommate, whose phone call I picked up right after ignoring a call from another friend of mine, who I knew was calling around to borrow money. And then I realized... I'd been doing similar shit all day. And for this whole past week, actually. The situations vary, but basically, there were some people I just didn't wanna talk to. Or I was really into doing something else, like watching a movie or something, and I forget that I was going to "call them back later".

In this past week, I screened and picked up only 50% of the calls I got from this one friend of mine I shall call J. She and I are good friends, but sometimes I suspect she idolizes me a little bit. Not that there's much for her to idolize, but she just really "likes" me. She has a habit of exaggerating to other people about how close we are to each other. Anyway, she'll call me all the time (literally) to see if I can hang out or party or talk or whatever. Do I feel bad about not picking up the calls? Yep. So am I a jerk? I dunno? Ehh..........

Oh, but sometimes I do miss calls on accident. This also happened today, and I thought it was kinda funny. So I get crappy reception in the building I'm living in, and unless I'm standing right up by the window, the calls get dropped or the whole conversation is choppy. (sucks, I know -__-) Today, I got back to the room from lunch and I forgot to place the phone by the window for it to get its max bars. Instead, I left it in my pocket, and I sat at my desk (which is pretty far away from the window). I didn't get any calls for a few hours. Then, I walk over to the window to get an orange and all of a sudden I get consecutive little beeps for received text messages and voicemail. Turns out no one was getting through to me... including this guy V who was trying to ask me out for dinner. And that was one call I didn't have to screen. :]

Maybe I am a jerk.

post #1 all over again

2009-02-11T23:59:00.000-08:00

I just spent the past few hours working on another layout, getting back into html formatting and picture editing, etc. just to give up and cheat by modifying a premade layout. -__- And even after picking out a template, I spent a long time afterwards customizing it to the way it looks now (you won't see this exact layout anywhere else! - same with my profile here...). Whatcha think? I've found that I MUST have some element in everything I make that gives it my flavor. It's almost like a weird OCD.

Anyway, yeah, I decided to open up a new blog again. It's a new year, and end of my hiatus. I figure this is appropriate. So hello :) And now I must sleep.