dear fickle self...

Why do you always have to make yourself unnecessarily stressed?  You make a big deal out of small things that don't go your way.  You find something wrong with everything.  You want things but reject them at the same time, and then get annoyed and angry that you have to figure out which one is really true.  You know that school is not an excuse for your bitchiness.. and you know that W didn't exactly do anything to warrant your frustration.

The sucky part is that you don't even know how to explain why/how you feel the way you do.

And there's more to think about.  You had horrible time management so now you have a crapload of stuff you have to do within this week, on top of planning for winter break, studying, extra lecture, dinner plans, roommate's birthday, etc etc etc.  You feel worse because you had so much time... so so so much time when you could have done those things.

And now, of all times, why are you thinking about the way things used to be with R.  This is no time to be thinking about that selfish dbag.  Sure, he used to do everything just right, and if W were him, you would be expecting a call from him right now, at just the moment you want him to call you the most.   W is not him.

You really need to figure yourself out.

a weekend out of place

In only 2 days, I make the 5 hour drive back home to spend Thanksgiving with the family.  But "why wait?", my senioritis-struck self asked.  It feels as though I've started vacation early... this whole past weekend I've spent like a bum.  It was relatively carefree, very reminiscent of the weekends I spent two summers ago here in L.A. - single, wild, fun, hungover.  Strangely, a weekend like this now just didn't seem right.  All it did was remind me of what has changed since then.  And I guess it's a little weird, as it always is, to see the same people in the same settings, yet completely different.

On Friday, it began with Jason's 21st-birthday party.  I got there around 11, but before I even stepped foot into his apartment, I see Tommy (my love-hate little bro from the frat) at the door, on his way out.  While the two of us hardly see each other, we are rather inseparable/endearing when we do, despite our very blatant mutual "hate" and "disgust".  So, naturally, once he caught sight of me, he grabbed me, stuffed me under his arm, and proceeded to drag me off, all while yelling insults surrounding my inability to make time for him.  It turned out he was headed for another party, and he was determined on taking me there.  Long story short (as I was only there for an hour), I downed 3 shots of I-don't-remember-what as an "entrance fee" (-___-), played and won a game of beer pong, and left to return to Jason's by 12 am for his birthday, with a comfortable buzz.

For the rest of the night, I spent most of my time with Vince, David, and Calvin, separately.  To put it very briefly, we never ended up dating, but there had always been a possibility for each of them at some point in time.

Of course, I have W now, and he is a very good boyfriend to me.  It just felt like a flash to that past when those 3 had been options after my last, heartbreaking relationship.  And now, I suppose we're "friends" - it is thankfully not awkward.  Regardless of past emotions, they kept me company in turns throughout the night, and I enjoyed the pleasant chemistry, until the end of the night when we said our warm goodbyes and returned to our very separate lives.  Maybe things will be different yet again the next time I see them...

Ironically, my ex (yes, that last ex) was also there.  But I am proud to say I have since mastered my own heart, gotten it back from him.  The whole night, it was as though he was not even there.  Two summers ago, the mere sight of him would grip my heart and have me dashing for the nearest exit to cry, out of sight.  That night, his appearance still stirred something deep within me, but I have simply nothing more to feel for him, not love, nor respect.  It was a hard journey...

Saturday was spent in bed, with the occasional trip to the bathroom to puke whatever I had drunk the night before (Bacardi 151 included, never drinking that shit again).  All too much like those old morning-afters.  There was a reason there haven't been weekends like the wild ones that summer.  Once I'm out of college, I am pretty sure I will never drink like this again.  Nausea is terrible, and throwing up is one of my most hated things.  After finally emptying my stomach, W and I finished Hell's Kitchen season 6 (I had been rooting for the winner since the start, so I was quite happy with the finale), and also watched this weird and ridiculous but okay movie Hot Fuzz.  Sunday was also very homely - we woke up late, baked cookies, ate leftovers.

All in all, it was a completely unproductive weekend.  But in that regard, I guess nothing's changed  =)

breakfast drives my day...

Look?!  It's a live Pikachu!!  The nerd in me could not resist looking up this picture (searched for a good 5 minutes through IM convos to find the link) after seeing a fat squirrel on campus yesterday in a similar pose.  Yah, I'm a dork  -__-

So, as the days get colder and colder, it's been harder and harder to get up at 7 in the mornings.  All my 8 am morning classes happen to be important, and I've been pretty good about making all of them  =]  But while I used to be able to get out of bed at 7, I now get up at 7:15-20, leaving me only 20 minutes or so to get ready and go catch the shuttle to school.

I got up later than usual this morning, which led me to skip breakfast today.  I try my best to get a decent breakfast in me every morning, otherwise I get quite faint and it's hard to concentrate.  My metabolism has gotten used to kicking in early.  As soon as I got to class, I was starving and that was not good considering I had about 2 hours of consecutive class to sit through.  I managed to get through the first hour, then was defeated by my poor rumbling tummy, and hightailed it back home to grab food before coming back for the afternoon classes.  Sigh, such weak willpower.

But, speaking of willpower, I managed to keep myself from making a tempting stop for boba on my way home earlier this evening.  Gotta keep off the pounds despite getting to wear more layers for winter...

to be or not to be the peacemaker?

This past weekend, I was invited by my new apartmentmates and roommate of two years, T, to a club/lounge in Hollywood for a fun night out. Initially, I was shy, being unfamiliar with the new girls, but I had not been out clubbing in MONTHS and I guess I was feeling in the mood for some grooving.... so I agreed and we had a great time. [note to self here: I really need to go shopping, there were so many cute styles I'd like to own!] Besides when I almost fainted once towards the end of the night (I only had time for a dinner of a small bowl of cereal before we had to head out), I had a pretty good time, got to let loose :)

>> That's me on the right, wearing for the first time that crazy sparkly top I bought last year.

Yesterday, I was told by J (a close friend of mine and T's) that she had really wanted to come to the event also, but that she did not because she had been lied to. I was not aware, but apparently, T had denied her an invitation to come along with the excuse that it was pretty exclusive. It was not actually exclusive at all. In fact, T brought along 2 other random friends, who asked to join us only an hour before we set out, which only made J more pissed. Sounds like some silly girl drama here, as I type this all out.... and I'm the one person close to the both of them with the position to help patch things up. J has asked me to say nothing, as she's hoping T will bring it up on her own like she should. Eh. The 3 of us have been good friends for a long time now, but would it be selfish to say that right now I really just want to sit this one out? Getting involved in other people's business is always a tricky situation, especially when told not to. Still, just cuz I'm their friend, I wonder if I should go ahead and drop some hints...

Okay, on a different note, I love chocolate. No matter when, where, why....of course, it's not the most slimming food. But I've found that I can get my chocolate fix AND a few servings of healthy fiber with these AWESOME chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. We made a large batch two weeks ago. Killed it all within a few days. The recipe is pretty simple. Oh gosh, I am already itching to bake some. Maybe tomorrow.

unsupervised, i could waste hours on end

I'm quite the hypocrite. I always insist to the bf to be "more independent, more mature [like me]"... but for the past few days during which he was out of town, I haven't been managing my own time or priorities. Wasted hours cooking food that I wasn't gonna eat yet and catching up on Weeds.

Anyway, just here to get my blogging fix so I can get back to the books.

MG came by today to mooch internet. I can never act naturally around him anymore, not since the time he made a pass at me. Needless to say, since I was the only one at the apartment, it was a little awkward, at least to me. He has a gf now tho (one who gives him nasty hickies, I observed), and apparently they can be heard through the walls...

Anywho, he had trouble with his laptop so he had to borrow mine. While using it, he got dangerously close to discovering this blog -- none of my friends in RL know that I keep this blog. My rationale to keeping it my own is probably obvious: I want to write about everything that happens to me, everything I think, everything I want, as freely as I want. But then I realized too, that this blog wasn't the only thing I wouldn't have wanted other people to see.

I like spending time alone discovering/experiencing things by myself sometimes. I'm a closet-introvert like that. In public, I'm chill and sociable, albeit mysteriously out of reach at times. I say this about myself because I actually have secret interests and hobbies that I pretend I don't know about. (For example, I was really into drawing at one time, but when people at school made fun of people who drew, I wouldn't indulge publicly in the habit...) It's a little cowardly I suppose, but it's something I've been doing for a long time, by instinctual need to be socially accepted or whatever... It's not something I like, I mean, I wish I could just always come clean with everything, but somehow I want to keep a veil between the real me and the outside, potentially-criticizing world.

Sometimes I think it may be the reason I feel like I have limited true friends. But what can I do, old habits die hard...

got the job!

I just got hired by my professor as her TA (teacher assistant) for the coming school year. =]

I'm feeling accomplished, but a little dreading at the same time. This job is gonna suck hours out of me during the quarter... not to mention I still feel slightly intimidated by her - she was all sweet when we first started discussing internships and whatnot, but of late, she seemed rather snappy. I hope she's not gonna be a biotch when we start working together.

It turns out I'm gonna get paid too, in addition to getting first pick for her internship =D How much, I don't know. I'm just feeling good that I'm finally making myself proud.

Yayayayay

who the hell is shannon davis?

I guess this blogspot will now be the official place for which I unload the many things that my head thinks about. I had a blog over at this website for about 10 years, but recently I lost my domain due to my inactivity :[ I wish they would have let me pick up my old posts and stuffs before doing the cut....

Anyway, today was an eventful day.

• 1050 am - I caught the shuttle, hoping to have shaken off the annoying girl living on my floor, but she made it onto the same bus and I had to walk to class with her
  
  
• 130 pm - got hit on while walking back from said class for 10 minutes by an African American college athlete who drove by but turned around and pulled up to holler because he thought "my legs were nice". He DID drive a really slick new Jaguar though........ (just playin')
  
  
• 5 pm - annoying girl on my floor came over for the bajillionth time, complained as usual about her life, then left when she realized I was uninterested
  
  
• 630 pm - gathered up my courage and called my professor who was offering me a TA position and possible internship
  
  
• 645 pm - got off the phone with professor, feeling discouraged, because it seemed like too much of a time commitment and I am ridiculously bad at time management
  
  
• 650 - 730 pm - finally got convinced through several friends' opinions that I should just take the job and work harder. poop
  
  
• 750 pm - sent confirming email. Now to wait and see if I got it for sure.
  
  
• 820 pm - remembered and decided to step foot on my blogspot page again for the first time in months. so here I am. :]

I found the time this past weekend during my visit home to grab lunch with Mar from my frat. We've been really close friends, so I was one of the few to find out that weekend that his girlfriend, whom I also know, faltered in a moment of weakness and cheated on him with her ex while in Japan. They've broken up since, but I was shocked that it was Mar's idea to lie about the real reason for the breakup. He had just gotten his heart broken by someone he says he loved, but to protect her from criticism by their mutual friends, he decided to keep the hurt to himself. And I thought, there are still kind people in the world. Granted, she may not have deserved it, but he didn't want to hurt her back.

Granted I did not deserve any special honors, my ex didn't seem to be able to spare any thoughts. Long story short, when we broke up due to his problem with one of my white lies, he decided to proclaim our breakup to the world, slander me to our mutual friends as well as my own, and proceeded to date a girl within our friend circle just to see me wither away in pain. So yeah, I thought it quite chivalrous of Mar to do away with the bitterness.

Anyway, this exact same past weekend, that ex of mine texted to ask some stupid questions that his current gf (the same one he got with after breaking up with me) or anyone else of Chinese ethnicity could have answered. This is not the first time he's attempted using some lame way to start talking to me again out of the blue. I don't feel anything for him, as I neither like him nor do I want to be friends with him, and yet he seems to think that, 2 years later, doing this somehow "patches things up between us" and allows us to "keep in touch".

I have been cynical ever since the rough breakup. So it was pleasantly surprising that there are still guys like Mar who act upon sincere, gut feelings rather than upon revenge and image. Love is a weird thing.

Ciao~

another bad frickin day

Maybe it's the stress. The drama with getting my parking spot secured for next year. The fact that I have a huge project AND a final to take in less than a week. The homesickness and loneliness that no one seems to be able to help me out with. Or maybe it's my love life. It's so complicated and so messy, I want to just walk away. I want to put an end to something that is causing me unhappiness. But instead, the unhappiness is heightened because I can't yet.

And so overall, everything is making me unhappy. And all the things that I would turn to for relief are not there. Feels like I'm stuck in an unhappy hole and no one is around to pull me out of it, except W, who doesn't have the strength to do it even though he's there. I'm in a bad mood so I will say mean things. Don't want to go into details, just want to say, he's disappointing. Even more disappointing after having invested time and expected him to know me better by now. Maybe he just won't ever be what I'm looking for. And that's too bad...

new home away from home

I just settled into my new apartment, and so far it's been really nice! The apt itself is spacious and clean, and my apartmentmates, even though I don't know them well, have been great as of right now as well. I've also recently now been driving, as I got to bring my car down! The only thing to complain of, though, is how hard it is to find parking sometimes, especially since I still haven't gotten down the best times to come looking for spots, and considering how my car is not all that small. It's only been 3-4 days, but just that issue has been stressing already.

The other day I got crazily frustrated with my roommate, who I've lived with for two years already. She is generally very dependable, but asking her for help two nights ago actually made me very upset. I won't go into it... but after that I'm determined to be able to mostly do things myself.

But I gotta say, having a car around here has been pretty frickin nice. It's so much more convenient to go places. I don't have to depend on anyone else or wait for other people to want to go where I want to go. Now I can go when I want, and with or without the people I want =] Last night W and I were able to go to watch a movie at a place where we couldn't have gone previously without a car. And he was nice enough to help me park my car before walking all the way home himself. We're still not official but... I don't think I mind. Maybe I got over the title thing.

mini cheesecakes

I don't really have a lot of time for cooking, with school and everything going on, but this is one of the very few things that I can make and that is unique. So if anyone is ever like, "let's do dinner and bring different foods!", I can always call dessert and make this =] My family really likes it.

I keep forgetting the exact recipe tho, so here it is for my reference. You can also try it out, I think it's pretty easy.

MINI-CHEESECAKES
ingredients:

• 12 vanilla wafers
• 2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 eggs

directions:

1. line a cupcake baking pan (for 12) with paper cupcake cups
2. fill the bottoms of the cups with vanilla wafer (crushed)
3. in a bowl, mix together the cream cheese, sugar, eggs, and vanilla extract until creamy
4. pour the mixture into the cups, filling 3/4
5. bake in oven at 325F for 25 min
6. allow to cool, or chill for colder, then eat plain or top with favorite topping!
   (fruit, strawberry preserve, chocolate syrup, etc etc)

I feel like making it now actually, just writing down the recipe haha. But I think I'm gonna save it for the holidays. Hopefully this summer, cooking for myself in the apt, I'll learn more recipes =]

blogger's block / the "middle-man" dilemma

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only blogger out there who doesn't really know what to say. Honestly, it's not that I've neglected this blog these months. I've been coming every now and then, but when I want to start a blog post, I stop.... and I wonder what I am gonna write about. I feel like I wanna write about that one interesting thing of the day, but when I can't think of anything worth writing about, I just don't wanna write a boring summary of what I did and ate that day. Where do other bloggers get their inspirations, I wonder?

Anyway, I had a good weekend for the most part (minus the crammed studying and hurried paper-writing). W and I watched UP, which was amazing! It's a movie I wouldn't mind watching in theaters again =] and a MUST-SEE if you still haven't yet! *spazz* heh just kidding. partially. The kid in me never goes away...

Also, last week, I got the chance to grab lunch with C, former apartment mate. To be honest, I was actually just very nosy and interested in hearing her side of a rumor that had been going around for weeks now. I was hearing from W and some of my other guy friends that she was dating T, my asshole of a guy friend who twice had a crush on me at the wrong times. In fact, the 2nd time was recently, right around the time I started dating W. And it was also right before this thing he seems to be having now with C. And here is the dilemma... C believes that T has been into her from the start, which a few of us friends know not to be true, as he was attempting to ask me out at that time. I don't want to tell C that, as I wouldn't wanna ruin T's chances with her, but at the same time, as her friend too, I feel like there are some things that she might wanna know about him in making this decision to start this thing with him. Things like, oh, how he has incorrigible anger problems, he's rude and inconsiderate, and he's actually rather shady. During dinner tho, I kept my mouth shut... I didn't know what to say at the time and decided it would be best to just leave it all alone. If ever, C would find out on her own right? I think I'm gonna refrain from taking a page out of Melody's book and keep myself from causing trouble.

And finally, just for my records, my good friends T and J both have boyfriends now. I'm the last to jump on the bandwagon, but I'm guessing I'm not all too far behind, since W and I have been doing pretty well. It's weird how we all fell out of relationships around the same time over a year ago, and now are getting into them again together. Tsk tsk, it's something about spring....

i'm back, but my spirit is still out there somewhere

Spring break is over... and today was the first day of classes. So tiring... and I realize I'm another quarter closer to graduating from college. The thought makes me sad :[ And a lot of my older friends - my older brothers from other mothers - are already graduating and leaving in less than 3 months... Their jobs are going to take them to faraway places, and I may not ever see some of them ever again... so depressing. :(

In other news, my short trip to Asia was fun for the most part. I didn't have enough time, but at the same time, it was just enough. It was rainy for the last half of it anyway... and there were some boring family affairs that had to be taken care of as usual, but overall it was a nice trip. But as much as I loved the places I visited, there's just something about it. Like, I don't think I could live there long-term. I met up and had lunch with Andrew in HK, gambled legally for the first time at one of the beautiful casinos in Macau, and got driven around by my mom's friend's son (one of the richest playboys on the island, no joke). It was pretty fun :] If I have the time, pictures will come.

After I got back from the trip, I spent the weekend with W. He was trying very hard to make up for the last time he disappointed me at SD. And I gotta say it worked. He drove me to and showed me around this place that I've always wanted to go, tried dinner with me at this famous place (we ordered way too much food which I stupidly left behind after going through all the trouble of packing it to take home), and finally we went to the beach in the dark. We also got his ears pierced :] He claims he had always wanted to do it, but I know he never really did - he admitted later that it was because I had mentioned offhandedly that I think he'd look good with them. I've decided that while I may not be sure whether or not I want to be with him yet, I definitely like how sincere he is in what he says and how he acts towards me.

My sleeping schedule is still messed up tho... so I gotta take my nap now. Will check in again laterrr

i want a webcam

So I just discovered Skype, because I'm gonna be going out of the country after taking my tests, and I wanted to stay in touch with everyone. I wish I had a freaking web cam... I never really had the need to get one before. W is testing it out with me right now, and so I can see him but he can't see me, and it's fun hahaha. He looks effing good on web cam. =]

With my brother's urging, I preordered one of the new nintendo DSi's yesterday. I hope it's worth it, and I HAVE been wanting it for a long timee.. man, I really feel crazy boyish sometimes. I like playing video games so much. It's definitely because I grew up with a younger brother.

I'm gonna have to cut this update short, cuz I got a lotta studying to get to. But I will leave with this picture...

I WANT A BUNNY LIKE THIS!!! ♥

SD weekend w/ Chris, my roommate, W, and puppies

Finally got the chance to write againnn :)

This past weekend was really nice. It was my first time visiting my friend (and first ex) Chris at his place in SD, and I met a lot of his friends (including his latest girlfriend). He's still the same as ever.... it's been quite a while since the last time he and I actually hung out, but I was so happy that we are still the close friends we are. I always feel high on life whenever I rediscover a friendship. And I realize Chris will probably be a best friend that I hope to never lose.

I don't really feel like writing everything about how W came and spent a day with me this past weekend... but basically, over the weekend, he made it clear to me that he did like me and wanted to know if I felt the same. I told him truthfully that I still didn't know.... but at the end of the day, I was actually almost half convinced I did NOT want him as a boyfriend... I feel like I have certain things I look for in a guy, and W did not exhibit a lot of those things. And when he wouldn't do some things I expected.. his points started going down. Maybe I am too picky? Or too high maintenance? Half the time, he's just the right kind of cutesy - and then the other half of the time, I feel like he's not my type. ahhh??

W said he is going to wait. I feel a little bad just because I am testing the waters with him (hanging out, taking naps, etc), and yet I am capable of suddenly turning 180 and telling him that I think we should just be friends. I don't want to give him the wrong idea and have him think that I am starting something with him when ultimately I am still unsure about him. What should I do? Should I hang out with him less or keep a distance? Although at the same time, I feel it is necessary to "test-drive" him as a boyfriend to see if he fits.... He says he doesn't mind, but I mean, if I want to be friends with him in the case it doesn't work out, shouldn't we be more cautious?

My tests are coming up soon, in just 2 weeks. I haven't started studying yet... and this is gonna be a note to myself to get my ass on it. I want to do well this quarter. I know I can study better, so I'm gonna try to make this happen. I'm starting tonight, with my study buddy (and pseudo older brother) M. W is gonna have to deal with hanging out with me less. And I can't afford to play so much anymore..... TWO WEEKS, Kimmy, cmon. but don't worry I will still blog :D

weekend to come + A-Z

I'm going to SD this weekend! Leaving tonight. The plan is as follows:

• FRI: upon arriving at SD tonight - crash the party my friend Chris (friends of 7 years now, haven't seen him in a while) is hosting
• SAT: breakfast with Chris and his girlfriend, then W is picking me up and taking me out for the day, at night - crash another friend's bday party
• SUN: dunno, but I have to come home this day............ :(
  

As excited as I am, I'm feeling super guilty about going all out this weekend, cuz I DO have a freaking crapload of work to get done and studying that I should be doing instead......

Yes so... (Sorry I'm about to talk about W again right now. Just skip sections about him if you get tired of hearing of him, but things are just moving along and there's always something I feel like writing about him. Heh -__- ) I just thought it was kind of sweet that W is going to come to SD just to hang out on Saturday. He was not originally going to spend his weekend there, but he really wanted to take me out to "explore SD" and spend time together. I had my doubts before, but maybe he likes me =] This weekend will be like a "pseudo-date", I guess? I will update when I returnnnn.


Before I scamper off, I'm gonna do this meme because Mel tagged me :]
RULES: 1. to each letter of the alphabet, write a word connected to you
2. tag 6 people

Asian - I am super non-fobby, but at heart I love all (or most) things azn
Bananas - I can never eat them alone, they must be in cereal or in chocolate
Crazy - is how I get when I get hyper, it's scary
Dancing - I wish I could dance hip-hop...I'm way too uncoordinated (I've tried)
Evil - lol I feel evil when I laugh a certain way... like "heh heh heh"
Future - uncertain. Not good.
Graceless - as before mentioned, I'm pretty klutzy :(
Hersheys! - I like this chocolate.
Inbox - I check my emails and text msgs pretty religiously, I realize
Juice - orange juice is so good
Kimmy - cuz I can't think of any other word at the moment
Lefty - I'm left-handed!
Music - you would not believe how much music I have and listen to
Nice - I hope this is what people think about me
Optimistic
Perfectionist - maybe even a little OCD-ish
Quarters - I tried collecting the new state quarters once, but yeah, gave that up
Racing - I like race car games.
Stuffed animals - I LOVE
Time - I feel like I never have enough... because I always procrastinate
Useless - when it comes to planning things, I fail 90% of the time
Voices - I admire singing voices
Water - I drink a lot of water everyday =)
X - 2 ex's
Yoga - is something I keep saying I'll try.
Zits - i hate them =( I have one right now.

OKAY I'm really running late, so I'm gonna go now. I haven't tagged anyone for this, but if you're reading and wanna do it, do it! I'll read when I come back.

Have a good weekend all~

i wonder if i ever do anything people hate.

I'm online right now with one of my friends who hasn't stopped typing to me for the past 5 minutes, and I haven't even gotten any word in... so I just stopped and I'm letting her finish her fanatic typing first. And I came to thinking about how it irks me sometimes when people only talk and don't listen... I think it's inconsiderate and defeats the purpose of having a conversation with someone. Meh.

I wonder if anyone's ever been irked at me for doing something that I don't know I do?

OH BTW. I put a picture of W on my left hand column. =] We've still been talking a lot, but again, everything's tentative. Two nights ago, my little (from the frat) took me out to late night food at 4 am, and he had me bring W, who was hanging out with me at the time (yeah... W and I were supposed to be working on our labs together). Apparently, the two of them already knew each other from playing basketball... and my little approves of him just because he thinks W plays good ball. hahah. We'll seeeeee.

Everyone should check out Leslie ft. Bobby Valentino - Accorde Moi.

here it is, the lovesick post i dread to write.

Last weekend, I finally met the person that my guy friends always mention and play basketball with. I am going to name him "W". I had heard of him for a long time, but I had never met him, until coincidentally last weekend the guys came to have dinner with me after playing ball. We all ended up hanging out afterwards, playing beer pong/poker/truth-or-dare until 6:30 in the morning.

When W and I first met, we were both just polite and probably just whatevers. But as the night wore on, I came to notice that he was actually my type... athletic, chill, pretty good looking. And I realize there's something attractive to me about a guy who is very oblivious. I mean, in a way where he only pays attention to what's going on in front of him (pays attention to who he's talking to, etc), and doesn't look around him all the time. I wonder if that makes any sense? (Deep down.. I think I may like it because my ex is the opposite and would always look around himself like the shady person he is.) Anyway, I say he is oblivious because I found myself noticing him more towards the latter part of the night and I made the observation.

At the very end of the night, we all stood around the front door of F's apartment, trying to decide how we were all going to share umbrellas,etc to get home in the rain that was pouring outside. W and I were standing across from each other and (as I was already glancing at him from time to time)..... I caught him looking back at me a few times. I wrote it off as a fluke. Eventually, he and I were paired up to walk home together, since we lived in the same area. I was nervous but we got home okay... Ever since we met that night, we've been somehow talking everyday online, and no, I did not initiate! By some small random events, we even ended up getting each others' numbers, etc.

I have my theories/interpretations of some of the things he says, or his vibes... but I think what's the most enticing thing about this whole thing is not just that he's my type. I like that every conversation/interaction we have is very natural. It's the most important thing to me, to be able to get along with him. Now, whether he really is interested or not is another story.... and I don't like disappointing myself (which I already do often -__-) so I am not going to analyze and try to figure out what his signs mean.

I worry about myself... because I can feel that maybe I am going to develop a crush on him. This is a scary thing for me, especially after the breakup with my ex. I got hurt pretty badly last time, so it's not easy knowing that I'm so close to being vulnerable again. And, unless I'm wrong, he is playing his cards very well.... I don't have confidence.

So there it is, a rant of the nature that I have not ever been compelled to write in this past year since my breakup with R. But who knows, maybe this isn't even gonna go anywhere. He'd still make a good friend, probably.

i ♥ my mommy.

So for whatever reason, I just had a random flashback about this one time my whole family and I were playing badminton on our front lawn. (This is going to sound so mean, but my mom is all okay and she laughs at it too.) My mom and my dad are pretty competitive about it because they both used to play it a lot when they were younger. So they would be yelling taunts at each other in Chinese, equivalent to things like "suck on that!" or "yeah that's right biotch!". And then my dad made this one lob that went up and far, and my mom was running over to hit it back, yelling some obnoxious comment about how that was an easy shot.

She was running and running and she was gonna get it....
....But the mailbox on the lawn got in her way.

Pretty much she ran smack into it. But don't worry, she was okay! We laughed at it for days... and just now when I thought about it, I still burst out in fond laughter. Sigh I love my mom.

Note to self: mom also hollered at some French lady in Canada. on accident.

on screening phone calls.

I am going to be honest and say that I do this sometimes. Am I a jerk?

I was thinking about this because I just got off the phone with my roommate, whose phone call I picked up right after ignoring a call from another friend of mine, who I knew was calling around to borrow money. And then I realized... I'd been doing similar shit all day. And for this whole past week, actually. The situations vary, but basically, there were some people I just didn't wanna talk to. Or I was really into doing something else, like watching a movie or something, and I forget that I was going to "call them back later".

In this past week, I screened and picked up only 50% of the calls I got from this one friend of mine I shall call J. She and I are good friends, but sometimes I suspect she idolizes me a little bit. Not that there's much for her to idolize, but she just really "likes" me. She has a habit of exaggerating to other people about how close we are to each other. Anyway, she'll call me all the time (literally) to see if I can hang out or party or talk or whatever. Do I feel bad about not picking up the calls? Yep. So am I a jerk? I dunno? Ehh..........

Oh, but sometimes I do miss calls on accident. This also happened today, and I thought it was kinda funny. So I get crappy reception in the building I'm living in, and unless I'm standing right up by the window, the calls get dropped or the whole conversation is choppy. (sucks, I know -__-) Today, I got back to the room from lunch and I forgot to place the phone by the window for it to get its max bars. Instead, I left it in my pocket, and I sat at my desk (which is pretty far away from the window). I didn't get any calls for a few hours. Then, I walk over to the window to get an orange and all of a sudden I get consecutive little beeps for received text messages and voicemail. Turns out no one was getting through to me... including this guy V who was trying to ask me out for dinner. And that was one call I didn't have to screen. :]

Maybe I am a jerk.

post #1 all over again

I just spent the past few hours working on another layout, getting back into html formatting and picture editing, etc. just to give up and cheat by modifying a premade layout. -__- And even after picking out a template, I spent a long time afterwards customizing it to the way it looks now (you won't see this exact layout anywhere else! - same with my profile here...). Whatcha think? I've found that I MUST have some element in everything I make that gives it my flavor. It's almost like a weird OCD.

Anyway, yeah, I decided to open up a new blog again. It's a new year, and end of my hiatus. I figure this is appropriate. So hello :) And now I must sleep.