unsupervised, i could waste hours on end

I'm quite the hypocrite. I always insist to the bf to be "more independent, more mature [like me]"... but for the past few days during which he was out of town, I haven't been managing my own time or priorities. Wasted hours cooking food that I wasn't gonna eat yet and catching up on Weeds.

Anyway, just here to get my blogging fix so I can get back to the books.

MG came by today to mooch internet. I can never act naturally around him anymore, not since the time he made a pass at me. Needless to say, since I was the only one at the apartment, it was a little awkward, at least to me. He has a gf now tho (one who gives him nasty hickies, I observed), and apparently they can be heard through the walls...

Anywho, he had trouble with his laptop so he had to borrow mine. While using it, he got dangerously close to discovering this blog -- none of my friends in RL know that I keep this blog. My rationale to keeping it my own is probably obvious: I want to write about everything that happens to me, everything I think, everything I want, as freely as I want. But then I realized too, that this blog wasn't the only thing I wouldn't have wanted other people to see.

I like spending time alone discovering/experiencing things by myself sometimes. I'm a closet-introvert like that. In public, I'm chill and sociable, albeit mysteriously out of reach at times. I say this about myself because I actually have secret interests and hobbies that I pretend I don't know about. (For example, I was really into drawing at one time, but when people at school made fun of people who drew, I wouldn't indulge publicly in the habit...) It's a little cowardly I suppose, but it's something I've been doing for a long time, by instinctual need to be socially accepted or whatever... It's not something I like, I mean, I wish I could just always come clean with everything, but somehow I want to keep a veil between the real me and the outside, potentially-criticizing world.

Sometimes I think it may be the reason I feel like I have limited true friends. But what can I do, old habits die hard...

got the job!

I just got hired by my professor as her TA (teacher assistant) for the coming school year. =]

I'm feeling accomplished, but a little dreading at the same time. This job is gonna suck hours out of me during the quarter... not to mention I still feel slightly intimidated by her - she was all sweet when we first started discussing internships and whatnot, but of late, she seemed rather snappy. I hope she's not gonna be a biotch when we start working together.

It turns out I'm gonna get paid too, in addition to getting first pick for her internship =D How much, I don't know. I'm just feeling good that I'm finally making myself proud.

Yayayayay

who the hell is shannon davis?

I guess this blogspot will now be the official place for which I unload the many things that my head thinks about. I had a blog over at this website for about 10 years, but recently I lost my domain due to my inactivity :[ I wish they would have let me pick up my old posts and stuffs before doing the cut....

Anyway, today was an eventful day.

• 1050 am - I caught the shuttle, hoping to have shaken off the annoying girl living on my floor, but she made it onto the same bus and I had to walk to class with her
  
  
• 130 pm - got hit on while walking back from said class for 10 minutes by an African American college athlete who drove by but turned around and pulled up to holler because he thought "my legs were nice". He DID drive a really slick new Jaguar though........ (just playin')
  
  
• 5 pm - annoying girl on my floor came over for the bajillionth time, complained as usual about her life, then left when she realized I was uninterested
  
  
• 630 pm - gathered up my courage and called my professor who was offering me a TA position and possible internship
  
  
• 645 pm - got off the phone with professor, feeling discouraged, because it seemed like too much of a time commitment and I am ridiculously bad at time management
  
  
• 650 - 730 pm - finally got convinced through several friends' opinions that I should just take the job and work harder. poop
  
  
• 750 pm - sent confirming email. Now to wait and see if I got it for sure.
  
  
• 820 pm - remembered and decided to step foot on my blogspot page again for the first time in months. so here I am. :]

I found the time this past weekend during my visit home to grab lunch with Mar from my frat. We've been really close friends, so I was one of the few to find out that weekend that his girlfriend, whom I also know, faltered in a moment of weakness and cheated on him with her ex while in Japan. They've broken up since, but I was shocked that it was Mar's idea to lie about the real reason for the breakup. He had just gotten his heart broken by someone he says he loved, but to protect her from criticism by their mutual friends, he decided to keep the hurt to himself. And I thought, there are still kind people in the world. Granted, she may not have deserved it, but he didn't want to hurt her back.

Granted I did not deserve any special honors, my ex didn't seem to be able to spare any thoughts. Long story short, when we broke up due to his problem with one of my white lies, he decided to proclaim our breakup to the world, slander me to our mutual friends as well as my own, and proceeded to date a girl within our friend circle just to see me wither away in pain. So yeah, I thought it quite chivalrous of Mar to do away with the bitterness.

Anyway, this exact same past weekend, that ex of mine texted to ask some stupid questions that his current gf (the same one he got with after breaking up with me) or anyone else of Chinese ethnicity could have answered. This is not the first time he's attempted using some lame way to start talking to me again out of the blue. I don't feel anything for him, as I neither like him nor do I want to be friends with him, and yet he seems to think that, 2 years later, doing this somehow "patches things up between us" and allows us to "keep in touch".

I have been cynical ever since the rough breakup. So it was pleasantly surprising that there are still guys like Mar who act upon sincere, gut feelings rather than upon revenge and image. Love is a weird thing.

Ciao~

another bad frickin day

Maybe it's the stress. The drama with getting my parking spot secured for next year. The fact that I have a huge project AND a final to take in less than a week. The homesickness and loneliness that no one seems to be able to help me out with. Or maybe it's my love life. It's so complicated and so messy, I want to just walk away. I want to put an end to something that is causing me unhappiness. But instead, the unhappiness is heightened because I can't yet.

And so overall, everything is making me unhappy. And all the things that I would turn to for relief are not there. Feels like I'm stuck in an unhappy hole and no one is around to pull me out of it, except W, who doesn't have the strength to do it even though he's there. I'm in a bad mood so I will say mean things. Don't want to go into details, just want to say, he's disappointing. Even more disappointing after having invested time and expected him to know me better by now. Maybe he just won't ever be what I'm looking for. And that's too bad...

new home away from home

I just settled into my new apartment, and so far it's been really nice! The apt itself is spacious and clean, and my apartmentmates, even though I don't know them well, have been great as of right now as well. I've also recently now been driving, as I got to bring my car down! The only thing to complain of, though, is how hard it is to find parking sometimes, especially since I still haven't gotten down the best times to come looking for spots, and considering how my car is not all that small. It's only been 3-4 days, but just that issue has been stressing already.

The other day I got crazily frustrated with my roommate, who I've lived with for two years already. She is generally very dependable, but asking her for help two nights ago actually made me very upset. I won't go into it... but after that I'm determined to be able to mostly do things myself.

But I gotta say, having a car around here has been pretty frickin nice. It's so much more convenient to go places. I don't have to depend on anyone else or wait for other people to want to go where I want to go. Now I can go when I want, and with or without the people I want =] Last night W and I were able to go to watch a movie at a place where we couldn't have gone previously without a car. And he was nice enough to help me park my car before walking all the way home himself. We're still not official but... I don't think I mind. Maybe I got over the title thing.