i'm not good at this.

I was just offered another internship, this one much more intense, time-consuming, and far away from home.  In truth, this internship may be much better and rewarding than the one I've got now (yes, I've only been at this one for 3 weeks...).

But I'm not good at this.  Frankly I'm really quite scared of how it is going to be like, whether I will do well or just fail.  I feel good that it's an opportunity starting me in the face saying I should take it, but at the same time I get very anxious.  I don't feel very secure about myself, and I am sensitive to change - can't handle it well.  This is probably a good transition...?  For going from schooling full-time to working full-time.  I know it's a good thing.  But I can't help but feel like I'm too afraid to make the change.  I'm just so weak of heart.

what's been up + piece of me (march 2010)

Last weekend, I got a bit of a scare when I got a text from my brother saying that my dad underwent surgery.  It was pretty unsettling because he hadn't mentioned it to me beforehand, and that had me worrying that it was due to an emergency.  It also didn't help that I was unable to reach him on his cell phone all weekend.  But, it turns out that it was just a small, benign case of skin cancer on his hand which he got removed, and I hadn't been able to reach him because he spent that weekend at business meetings.  Definitely glad he was okay, and it was also something of a reminder to think about him more...

Hmm to update on the internship, I performed well at my last shift in the office, flying solo  :D  I got a good ole pat on the back, no joke.  It is too soon to feel like I got the hang of things though, knowing how inconsistent the boss is.  Just hopefully she'll teach me more.

T and I went to Jeff's place Friday night to see him and to celebrate with one of his friends, Max, who had just gotten accepted into grad school here (he's smart).  It turns out that Max knew a lot of people I did!  Including my first ex, a few of my high school classmates, and my roommate.  Such a small world.  I had a good time that night, it felt like we all bonded, and I hadn't laughed that much with people other than my close friends in a long time.  We ended up staying there until about 7, saw the sunrise pretty much.  Mm... I was just thinking again about my future.  Not that I am really in a position to do anything about it, but Max is probably my type of guy.  He was slightly interested but... it wouldn't happen right now....

Okay, getting tired so I'm wrapping this up:
.....This month....
I like:  that spring break is coming.  I'm not really sure yet how I'm gonna spend it, but it will be a very welcome break.
I don't like:  that I don't have my credit card on me (it got stopped b/c it was suspected to have been stolen, when really I had just spent just a tad too much for the month >.<)  I won't be getting the new one for maybe 2 weeks...  not that I want to be using it or anything, just feels a little more reassuring to know I had it if I had to use it.
I want you to know:  I've been watching the new season of The Amazing Race!  Haha, just in case you might want to join in, it's only aired 3 episodes so far.
I've planned:  to spend less, study hard to finish this quarter strong, and to not buckle under stress
I want to say to someone special:  I am very sorry for the hardships that are going on around you right now, and I'm surprised but happy that you want to give your support.  I hope that someday you could openly extend those kinds of feelings towards us too, because it would really encourage the family...

a week of changes

On Sunday, I went to bed after having spent a very normal weekend doing my usual activities, seeing the usual people, feeling like my usual okay self.  But starting Monday, I feel like I'm on some kind of hill, rolling down with no signs of slowing.  A lot has happened, not necessarily good things, and it feels as though I can't stop even to catch my breath. 

On Monday, I was planning on only getting the haircut, but also actually landed an internship as well.  I had applied for it on a whim 3 days earlier, but was asked for an interview and to start working immediately on the same day.  I can't decide if I'm lucky or not about this... I've been at work for 2 days now, and I really don't feel like I'm getting any training.  She's already throwing projects at me, and I don't know how to work on them.  Honestly, I have had a lot of trouble and it's stressful.  It's stuff that eventually I should learn to do, but Jane (my boss) doesn't seem to understand that the other interns and I aren't experts yet.  Our assignments aren't things we can do just off schooling...  and I'm not saying it because I haven't been studying hard.  I do well in the related classes, and I understand the concepts, but it takes time and a different kind of learning to apply it to the real world.  An intern who is 3-months my senior was unable to do my assigned project....  I am thinking maybe there is another internship out there that will benefit me more in terms of learning.....

I could rant on.  But I'm gonna stop, I am not due back in the office until next week, so I won't think about it for now.

To top off my already tumultuous week, I got an iPhone yesterday.  It was very spontaneous and unexpected.  I mentioned briefly during the day that I wouldn't mind an iPhone and W found a really nice deal from a very legit seller.  We went to take a look and I ended up bringing it home with me.  What's nice is that it had been kept very close-to-new (no scratches) and the seller had already worked some magic on it so that I can get all apps for free!  Also, he gave customer service when I had questions about it, even though he had no obligations to, and he says I can use his warranty if anything happens to the phone through December 2010.  Definitely made the week feel a bit less crappy.  But now, NO MORE SPENDING.  Really, I'm definitely cutting back.

I'm slightly amazed at how slowly this week has gone by.  And it's still not over yet.  I realize I don't know how I feel about this week.... but right now, only just meh  :(

got the job!

I just got hired by my professor as her TA (teacher assistant) for the coming school year. =]

I'm feeling accomplished, but a little dreading at the same time. This job is gonna suck hours out of me during the quarter... not to mention I still feel slightly intimidated by her - she was all sweet when we first started discussing internships and whatnot, but of late, she seemed rather snappy. I hope she's not gonna be a biotch when we start working together.

It turns out I'm gonna get paid too, in addition to getting first pick for her internship =D How much, I don't know. I'm just feeling good that I'm finally making myself proud.

Yayayayay

who the hell is shannon davis?

I guess this blogspot will now be the official place for which I unload the many things that my head thinks about. I had a blog over at this website for about 10 years, but recently I lost my domain due to my inactivity :[ I wish they would have let me pick up my old posts and stuffs before doing the cut....

Anyway, today was an eventful day.

• 1050 am - I caught the shuttle, hoping to have shaken off the annoying girl living on my floor, but she made it onto the same bus and I had to walk to class with her
  
  
• 130 pm - got hit on while walking back from said class for 10 minutes by an African American college athlete who drove by but turned around and pulled up to holler because he thought "my legs were nice". He DID drive a really slick new Jaguar though........ (just playin')
  
  
• 5 pm - annoying girl on my floor came over for the bajillionth time, complained as usual about her life, then left when she realized I was uninterested
  
  
• 630 pm - gathered up my courage and called my professor who was offering me a TA position and possible internship
  
  
• 645 pm - got off the phone with professor, feeling discouraged, because it seemed like too much of a time commitment and I am ridiculously bad at time management
  
  
• 650 - 730 pm - finally got convinced through several friends' opinions that I should just take the job and work harder. poop
  
  
• 750 pm - sent confirming email. Now to wait and see if I got it for sure.
  
  
• 820 pm - remembered and decided to step foot on my blogspot page again for the first time in months. so here I am. :]

I found the time this past weekend during my visit home to grab lunch with Mar from my frat. We've been really close friends, so I was one of the few to find out that weekend that his girlfriend, whom I also know, faltered in a moment of weakness and cheated on him with her ex while in Japan. They've broken up since, but I was shocked that it was Mar's idea to lie about the real reason for the breakup. He had just gotten his heart broken by someone he says he loved, but to protect her from criticism by their mutual friends, he decided to keep the hurt to himself. And I thought, there are still kind people in the world. Granted, she may not have deserved it, but he didn't want to hurt her back.

Granted I did not deserve any special honors, my ex didn't seem to be able to spare any thoughts. Long story short, when we broke up due to his problem with one of my white lies, he decided to proclaim our breakup to the world, slander me to our mutual friends as well as my own, and proceeded to date a girl within our friend circle just to see me wither away in pain. So yeah, I thought it quite chivalrous of Mar to do away with the bitterness.

Anyway, this exact same past weekend, that ex of mine texted to ask some stupid questions that his current gf (the same one he got with after breaking up with me) or anyone else of Chinese ethnicity could have answered. This is not the first time he's attempted using some lame way to start talking to me again out of the blue. I don't feel anything for him, as I neither like him nor do I want to be friends with him, and yet he seems to think that, 2 years later, doing this somehow "patches things up between us" and allows us to "keep in touch".

I have been cynical ever since the rough breakup. So it was pleasantly surprising that there are still guys like Mar who act upon sincere, gut feelings rather than upon revenge and image. Love is a weird thing.

Ciao~