a week of changes

On Sunday, I went to bed after having spent a very normal weekend doing my usual activities, seeing the usual people, feeling like my usual okay self.  But starting Monday, I feel like I'm on some kind of hill, rolling down with no signs of slowing.  A lot has happened, not necessarily good things, and it feels as though I can't stop even to catch my breath. 

On Monday, I was planning on only getting the haircut, but also actually landed an internship as well.  I had applied for it on a whim 3 days earlier, but was asked for an interview and to start working immediately on the same day.  I can't decide if I'm lucky or not about this... I've been at work for 2 days now, and I really don't feel like I'm getting any training.  She's already throwing projects at me, and I don't know how to work on them.  Honestly, I have had a lot of trouble and it's stressful.  It's stuff that eventually I should learn to do, but Jane (my boss) doesn't seem to understand that the other interns and I aren't experts yet.  Our assignments aren't things we can do just off schooling...  and I'm not saying it because I haven't been studying hard.  I do well in the related classes, and I understand the concepts, but it takes time and a different kind of learning to apply it to the real world.  An intern who is 3-months my senior was unable to do my assigned project....  I am thinking maybe there is another internship out there that will benefit me more in terms of learning.....

I could rant on.  But I'm gonna stop, I am not due back in the office until next week, so I won't think about it for now.

To top off my already tumultuous week, I got an iPhone yesterday.  It was very spontaneous and unexpected.  I mentioned briefly during the day that I wouldn't mind an iPhone and W found a really nice deal from a very legit seller.  We went to take a look and I ended up bringing it home with me.  What's nice is that it had been kept very close-to-new (no scratches) and the seller had already worked some magic on it so that I can get all apps for free!  Also, he gave customer service when I had questions about it, even though he had no obligations to, and he says I can use his warranty if anything happens to the phone through December 2010.  Definitely made the week feel a bit less crappy.  But now, NO MORE SPENDING.  Really, I'm definitely cutting back.

I'm slightly amazed at how slowly this week has gone by.  And it's still not over yet.  I realize I don't know how I feel about this week.... but right now, only just meh  :(

on making decisions

Last night, the thought crossed my mind to get a haircut.  My hair is... pretty long... 2-3 inches past my boob.  So I did some research - I want a new style, but not sure what would work well for me.  (I'd show you pictures of me but can't find one that shows my hair well and I'm a bit lazy atm to take one, maybe I'll edit later).  I looked at lots of pictures online, hoping to find one that I liked while also fitting my face, so I could show the hair-stylist.  I would find one and think, "this is the one!" then browse a little more just to be certain and then "wait, how about this one....?"  at which point I would go back to the one I'd already found, sit there comparing pros and cons, choose one over the other, go away for a little bit to do something random, then come back, look again, and find that I want to change my mind.  AHHHHHH.  So indecisive.   The haircut is going to be with me for a while, so if I get a crappy one, I'm gonna be stuck with it, you know?

So anyway, I dwelled on the issue for most of the rest of the night, and the thoughts followed me to bed.  Don't you hate that?  You want to sleep, but what you were thinking prior continues to circulate around in your head, keeping you frustratedly awake... so yeah, I didn't end up sleeping for a while  :(

Today is a pretty free day, so I'm thinking about heading out to the place I went last time.  It's an hour away in Irvine, but I feel like I'd trust that hair-stylist more.  *crosses fingers*  I'll show the haircut afterwards  :)

Also before I go, I just found two giveaways by maitai, if anyone is interested:

• for a Neutrogena wave duo cleanser, see here
• for some maitai jewelry, here  :)
  

i'm wearin shorts in february

Unheard of, had this been four years ago.  And I don't mean because it's a fashion trend.  The weather in LA the past few days have been ridiculously warm.  Just walking around campus getting to my classes makes me uncomfortable, the sunlight felt so intensely hot.  As you can probably tell, I'm not one for hot/humid weather  :(

Anyway, realizing that the days of shorts and tanks are upon me, I've picked up exercising again.  P90x, baby.  I'm also going to pop by the gym after my classes, aiming for 2x a week.  (I went today too ;P )  Yes, yes, I should have been exercising regularly already.....  but I just couldn't resist scarfing down warm, hearty meals while it was cold out, then snuggling under the covers for movies/naps.....  sigh.  FOCUS.  In line with getting more active again, I exercised good restraint and decision making while grocery shopping earlier tonight.  Bought good healthy snacks, etc etc.

I would like to lose just 10 pounds.  Or 15.  Then I would hit my ideal weight.  Any tips/hints out there you'd like to recommend?  Or good fat-burning exercise routines?  I'll also take moral support/encouragement!  Hahah.  Thanks  :)

bittersweet CNY...

Just before I came home for the weekend to celebrate Chinese New Year with the family, I handed in an essay I wrote on "The Accidental Asian" by Eric Liu.  (fun fact - he used to write speeches for President Bill Clinton).  I wrote about language, and how it is so culturally connected;  the author wrote about his regrets about not feeling like he had a Chinese heritage because he'd abandoned language and culture to get by in an English-speaking world.  Maybe it was something of an epiphany, as I wrote and thought about how fragile the link was between me and my ancestors... if I didn't do something to preserve it, what my parents know, where they came from, what heritage they were trying to pass on to me.... it could all end with me.

So coincidental that this should occur to me prior to a very traditional weekend eh?

I've been spending a lot of time talking with and catering to my parents from the moment I got back.  In Chinese as much as possible.  I feel like I'm very sensitive to the passage of time, I want to capture my moments with them as I realize I am getting older and sooner to being independent of them.  I encouraged them if they talked about tradition or their own stories, which I don't think I did enough of back in the day.  I want to keep their memories, I wanted to show them I care about this heritage and that they should pass it to me...

I'm tearing up and have dampened the mood for CNY  -___-   haha, well, I am going to make it a resolution starting now, to pay more attention to this, and not to forget how much I should treasure my parents.  They will be like my valentines for the day, since I of course ♥ them  (and the bf is not around).

Do I sound a little more mature today?  :)

So then, here's hoping everyone out there is having a really great Valentines Day (regardless of your status, get yourselves some chocolate, yum!)  and again, happy CNY  ;D  Don't forget it's a day to show ALL your loved ones that you care.

spending spree weekend + a piece of me (feb 2010)

I should be sleeping, but I was itching to update  :)

I drove down to spend this past weekend with W's family.  It was a fun and expensive but totally unproductive weekend sigh.  Let's see.... W and I spent about $80 at D&B's trying to win tickets to exchange for the cool prizes.  We would wait for little kids to play certain games that added to the jackpot and when they left, we would pounce on the machine and fervently try to hit it.  Hahaha.  Some games we got pretty pro at, and other games we could only fume at as we sank all our credits into them....  (we're so immature, eh?)  At the end of the day, we exchanged for matching D&B mugs, a large D&B towel, and a pack of D&B cards, with over 1000 points left over to use for next time!  =]  I realized I quite enjoy the machine where you put coins in and watch them fall in, hoping your coin will knock down the piles of coins already inside.  I wonder what those machines are called...  But in any case, I sat there mesmerizedly playing for a while.  Poor man's vegas?.... haha.

We also went on something of a shopping spree.  I got a little bit of everything:  jeans, lotions (bath&body works), shirts, makeup (urban decay eyeshadows, dior mascara, loreal h.i.p. eyeliner+eyeshadow) and a gift for my parents (Brookstone).  For early valentine's (as I'm spending that weekend away, home with family), he got me the two pairs of boots I wanted (Soda and Paprika), and I bought him a Yves Saint Lauren cologne.  I pretty much made up for the past few months of minimal spending heh.  That includes fooding... I insisted on paying for the Korean BBQ lunch we had today (where they give you the raw meat to grill on your own - bulgogi and black angus deckle), which was pricey but rather worth it.  Oh so good.

outfit #2
from the weekend (express, anchor blue)>

I didn't return home until pretty late today and so, no progress was made on my unstarted 5 page essay due this Thursday.  Nor was any studying done for my quiz tomorrow.  Way to go Kimmy  -__-

But.  Guiltily.  Before I go to bed, I am going to make time to play the Piece of Me game by Notes from a Toothfairy for the first time.  =P  Hope everyone had a good weekend!

......

This month...

I like:  getting new things  :)  (this typed as I look over at the newly acquired shopping bags by my bed.. sigh)

I don't like:  knowing that there is a lot of leftover food I cooked still sitting in the fridge.  I hope it will all be eaten on time, or else, so wasteful  :(

I want you to know: I'm sorry for this long post...

I've planned:  essay, essay, essay by Thursday.....and to keep on top of all other to-dos.

I want to say to someone special:   I get mad easily at you a lot, but I really do appreciate you and will work on my temper!

spiny porcupine

Over the last two days, I've been getting contacted by this friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while.  Back in freshman year, he had a crush on me, and it was very obvious... all my other guy friends at the time noticed too, but they didn't have a good opinion of him - they would call him a spiny porcupine because of how he would use too much gel in his hair whenever he saw me (in an attempt to impress me, they would say) and have it all stand up like spines on his head.  Anyway, he never took my hints, and still asked me out, in front of those guy friends who was already teasing him (not very smart, huh).  The feeling wasn't mutual, and I was kinda interested in someone else at the time... so I just told him I wanted us to be friends.

(Reminds me of a question I've been wondering about... what do you think is the best way to turn someone down?  What do you say?)

Anyway, I didn't see him much for a while after that... but last Thursday, we happened to bump into each other, so we grabbed lunch together.  Knowing then that I had lunch times free on Thursdays, he called again yesterday hoping we could eat.  I told him I was unavailable, so he asked a few hours later for dinner.  I didn't really want to.. so I just said I had other things to do.  And then, even later that night, he asked if I would be free for lunch today.

I don't want to assume anything about his persistance.  For all I know, he could just be hoping to catch up as friends for the long time we've not seen each other... it throws me off a bit how intense it seems.  I'm not sure if he knows that I am seeing someone right now.  I still want to be friends with him, but I hope he doesn't get the wrong ideas again...

Before I go, I need to rant.  Yesterday wasn't too good of a day...  I had a lot of time-sensitive things to plan/sort out, I was tired but had to attend a workshop, I had to turn down some friends about going to a party (although I really wanted to), various other little things that really upset me, and as a result of everything, I fought with W at the end of the night.  ehh..  it's okay, just have to get my mind off it.

Hope everyone is well!  I plan to visit very soon  (my midterms are all done now after all~ yay)