my voice is weird :(

I was testing out the new voice-recorder application on my iPhone today by recording an important review session with it.  At the end of class, in my hustle to get out of the room, I didn't immediately stop the recording, so it got a few minutes of me talking with a friend.  When I played it back later, oh my gosh.  I sound so weird!  I haven't heard myself in a really long time, and my voice is a lot lighter and childish than I thought it could be, and I started wondering if I ever sounded professional all those times I talked with bosses or if I just sound like some little girl.  It's been really bothering me ever since class, haha, although it's not the first time I've had issues with recordings of me  (I hated listening to the voicemail recordings I made for the home phone back in the day).

Curious, I looked it up online and it's a pretty popular question.  ("Why does my voice sound weird?!")  Apparently, our perceptions of how our own voices differ from what other people actually hear because we hear it with the effects of the sound passing/vibrating through our bones and bodies, whereas others hear it simply through the air as you produce it.  So... your recordings are your REAL voice.  It creeps me out a little, hearing "me" and not recognizing myself.

I haven't had the chance to really ask anyone if my real voice is weird or not...  haha, I know, I know.  I'm not stressing, just curious  =X

on making decisions

Last night, the thought crossed my mind to get a haircut.  My hair is... pretty long... 2-3 inches past my boob.  So I did some research - I want a new style, but not sure what would work well for me.  (I'd show you pictures of me but can't find one that shows my hair well and I'm a bit lazy atm to take one, maybe I'll edit later).  I looked at lots of pictures online, hoping to find one that I liked while also fitting my face, so I could show the hair-stylist.  I would find one and think, "this is the one!" then browse a little more just to be certain and then "wait, how about this one....?"  at which point I would go back to the one I'd already found, sit there comparing pros and cons, choose one over the other, go away for a little bit to do something random, then come back, look again, and find that I want to change my mind.  AHHHHHH.  So indecisive.   The haircut is going to be with me for a while, so if I get a crappy one, I'm gonna be stuck with it, you know?

So anyway, I dwelled on the issue for most of the rest of the night, and the thoughts followed me to bed.  Don't you hate that?  You want to sleep, but what you were thinking prior continues to circulate around in your head, keeping you frustratedly awake... so yeah, I didn't end up sleeping for a while  :(

Today is a pretty free day, so I'm thinking about heading out to the place I went last time.  It's an hour away in Irvine, but I feel like I'd trust that hair-stylist more.  *crosses fingers*  I'll show the haircut afterwards  :)

Also before I go, I just found two giveaways by maitai, if anyone is interested:

• for a Neutrogena wave duo cleanser, see here
• for some maitai jewelry, here  :)
  

spiny porcupine

Over the last two days, I've been getting contacted by this friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while.  Back in freshman year, he had a crush on me, and it was very obvious... all my other guy friends at the time noticed too, but they didn't have a good opinion of him - they would call him a spiny porcupine because of how he would use too much gel in his hair whenever he saw me (in an attempt to impress me, they would say) and have it all stand up like spines on his head.  Anyway, he never took my hints, and still asked me out, in front of those guy friends who was already teasing him (not very smart, huh).  The feeling wasn't mutual, and I was kinda interested in someone else at the time... so I just told him I wanted us to be friends.

(Reminds me of a question I've been wondering about... what do you think is the best way to turn someone down?  What do you say?)

Anyway, I didn't see him much for a while after that... but last Thursday, we happened to bump into each other, so we grabbed lunch together.  Knowing then that I had lunch times free on Thursdays, he called again yesterday hoping we could eat.  I told him I was unavailable, so he asked a few hours later for dinner.  I didn't really want to.. so I just said I had other things to do.  And then, even later that night, he asked if I would be free for lunch today.

I don't want to assume anything about his persistance.  For all I know, he could just be hoping to catch up as friends for the long time we've not seen each other... it throws me off a bit how intense it seems.  I'm not sure if he knows that I am seeing someone right now.  I still want to be friends with him, but I hope he doesn't get the wrong ideas again...

Before I go, I need to rant.  Yesterday wasn't too good of a day...  I had a lot of time-sensitive things to plan/sort out, I was tired but had to attend a workshop, I had to turn down some friends about going to a party (although I really wanted to), various other little things that really upset me, and as a result of everything, I fought with W at the end of the night.  ehh..  it's okay, just have to get my mind off it.

Hope everyone is well!  I plan to visit very soon  (my midterms are all done now after all~ yay)

and my procrastination continues... chocolate + pictures!

I've got midterms coming up, so naturally, I am here.  -__-

I cannot stop my chocolate cravings!  Let's see what I have been eating...

• W got me a small box of Lindor milk chocolate truffles last week which we have both already devoured
• I have a box of the new chocolate-flavored Cheerios (which don't taste as weird as I expected it to - and it's whole grain!)
• there is a sizeable portion of a huge delicious chocolate birthday cake sitting in my fridge that my friend could not finish, and I've been picking away at it little by little..
• >.<
  

So I got upset for about half an hr earlier today because the boots on sale that I wanted to order...are no longer on sale.  Yesterday, which was apparently the last day of the sale, I was going to place my order. But then, due to this and that, it didn't happen, and when I went back to the site today to check it out, all the sale prices were gone....  I'm over it now, but it is just unsettling that I could have saved quite a bit of money.  I like deals  :(

Before I get back to the books, just thought I would put up some pictures I found in my camera today:

(left) W with the giant Shamu stuffed animal he won for me at Seaworld shooting 3-point shots into the hoops behind him.  (right) At Dine-with-Shamu next to the whales :D

top of the dam at Oroville which I visited this past December - I like how it just stretches on into the distance

......

So I've decided I want to keep track of how my style changes.

Here's outfit #1, worn to class today.

(top - bought @ a petite store in HK last summer; accessory - jewelry store in Macau;  leggings - HK also?;  boots - Journeys)

 

Oh, and also some notes to self:

• write reply email to professor/boss about internship and spring job
• write letter back for Christin (germany)
  

who the hell is shannon davis?

I guess this blogspot will now be the official place for which I unload the many things that my head thinks about. I had a blog over at this website for about 10 years, but recently I lost my domain due to my inactivity :[ I wish they would have let me pick up my old posts and stuffs before doing the cut....

Anyway, today was an eventful day.

• 1050 am - I caught the shuttle, hoping to have shaken off the annoying girl living on my floor, but she made it onto the same bus and I had to walk to class with her
  
  
• 130 pm - got hit on while walking back from said class for 10 minutes by an African American college athlete who drove by but turned around and pulled up to holler because he thought "my legs were nice". He DID drive a really slick new Jaguar though........ (just playin')
  
  
• 5 pm - annoying girl on my floor came over for the bajillionth time, complained as usual about her life, then left when she realized I was uninterested
  
  
• 630 pm - gathered up my courage and called my professor who was offering me a TA position and possible internship
  
  
• 645 pm - got off the phone with professor, feeling discouraged, because it seemed like too much of a time commitment and I am ridiculously bad at time management
  
  
• 650 - 730 pm - finally got convinced through several friends' opinions that I should just take the job and work harder. poop
  
  
• 750 pm - sent confirming email. Now to wait and see if I got it for sure.
  
  
• 820 pm - remembered and decided to step foot on my blogspot page again for the first time in months. so here I am. :]

I found the time this past weekend during my visit home to grab lunch with Mar from my frat. We've been really close friends, so I was one of the few to find out that weekend that his girlfriend, whom I also know, faltered in a moment of weakness and cheated on him with her ex while in Japan. They've broken up since, but I was shocked that it was Mar's idea to lie about the real reason for the breakup. He had just gotten his heart broken by someone he says he loved, but to protect her from criticism by their mutual friends, he decided to keep the hurt to himself. And I thought, there are still kind people in the world. Granted, she may not have deserved it, but he didn't want to hurt her back.

Granted I did not deserve any special honors, my ex didn't seem to be able to spare any thoughts. Long story short, when we broke up due to his problem with one of my white lies, he decided to proclaim our breakup to the world, slander me to our mutual friends as well as my own, and proceeded to date a girl within our friend circle just to see me wither away in pain. So yeah, I thought it quite chivalrous of Mar to do away with the bitterness.

Anyway, this exact same past weekend, that ex of mine texted to ask some stupid questions that his current gf (the same one he got with after breaking up with me) or anyone else of Chinese ethnicity could have answered. This is not the first time he's attempted using some lame way to start talking to me again out of the blue. I don't feel anything for him, as I neither like him nor do I want to be friends with him, and yet he seems to think that, 2 years later, doing this somehow "patches things up between us" and allows us to "keep in touch".

I have been cynical ever since the rough breakup. So it was pleasantly surprising that there are still guys like Mar who act upon sincere, gut feelings rather than upon revenge and image. Love is a weird thing.

Ciao~