Tuesday, May 25, 2010

i'm too emotional for my own good.

I didn't write a post then, but a week ago, I decided to break up with W.  College graduation is drawing ever nearer (3 more weeks), and it will soon come time for us to physically separate.  I feel I have neither the confidence nor the ability to preserve our relationship on a long-distance basis.  In addition, looking towards the long run, he may not be "the one", at least not the way he is now - he is still very immature in many ways.  So, at the time, I knew what I wanted, and that he was not it, and I did not hesitate to bring it up.  I told him that I am doing this now because I wanted to give us some time, while we were still able to see each other, to get mentally prepared and used to being close friends. Unfortunately, because the breakup was so civil and because we are attempting to keep things friendly, I find things haven't changed much since last week.  We still check in with each other now and then, and pop by each others' places for quick visits (as we are neighbors).  He still attends to my needs, down to the most miniscule of details, and hanging out with him, albeit just briefly each time, still makes me feel blessed, loved, and warm inside.

Do I wonder if I'm making the wrong decision letting him go?  Every day. 

Of all the guys I have dated, W definitely sets the standard for being the most dependable, most sincere, most caring.  I won't ever forget how hard it was for us in the beginning when it all started, and all the troubles we've had, but through it all, he never gave up and did his best for me all the time.  I can only say that I am at fault, for not being able to overlook his "faults", despite how great he is.  We've decided that this is an indefinite break, with high possibility of going at it again in the future after we've settled our paths and found our places in this world, and who knows, maybe he will have matured then.  But for right now, we have other priorities, and I want to give myself some more chances to experience the world around me.

I know what it is I have decided to do.  It's just so hard to stand by my decision when I know so well what kind of a guy I am letting go of.  It's hard to imagine that there will be anyone else out there like him...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

locked in

Yesterday night, just as I was on my way out of the apartment to see Iron Man 2, one of my roommates came rushing in crying, shutting the door behind her on her parents who were following her.  Apparently, they had just taken away her car, physically stripped her of her belongings when they met her outside the apartment complex, and were trying to remove her from our apartment.  I'm not too close to her, but I just felt so sad and scared for her as she cried to us, "please don't let them take me away, please please."  The issue is pretty complicated but long story short, her parents were making a very big deal out of a situation that could be solved in a much simpler way.  Parents can just get a little too worked up sometimes, yeah?  Maybe it's cuz we know the story from her end, but they were being a tad too ridiculous...
I ended up being half an hour late for the movie, as I wasn't able to leave the apartment until it was okay'ed by my roommate to open the door and let her parents in to argue some more, and I took the chance to finally slip out.  When I returned - the movie was pretty good, btw - she wasn't back in the apartment.  Some of her things are still here, so I'm sure she'll be back but... I wonder if they took her home and if they worked things out....

Saturday, May 1, 2010

my voice is weird :(

I was testing out the new voice-recorder application on my iPhone today by recording an important review session with it.  At the end of class, in my hustle to get out of the room, I didn't immediately stop the recording, so it got a few minutes of me talking with a friend.  When I played it back later, oh my gosh.  I sound so weird!  I haven't heard myself in a really long time, and my voice is a lot lighter and childish than I thought it could be, and I started wondering if I ever sounded professional all those times I talked with bosses or if I just sound like some little girl.  It's been really bothering me ever since class, haha, although it's not the first time I've had issues with recordings of me  (I hated listening to the voicemail recordings I made for the home phone back in the day).

Curious, I looked it up online and it's a pretty popular question.  ("Why does my voice sound weird?!")  Apparently, our perceptions of how our own voices differ from what other people actually hear because we hear it with the effects of the sound passing/vibrating through our bones and bodies, whereas others hear it simply through the air as you produce it.  So... your recordings are your REAL voice.  It creeps me out a little, hearing "me" and not recognizing myself.

I haven't had the chance to really ask anyone if my real voice is weird or not...  haha, I know, I know.  I'm not stressing, just curious  =X

it's kimmy



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