i'm too emotional for my own good.

I didn't write a post then, but a week ago, I decided to break up with W.  College graduation is drawing ever nearer (3 more weeks), and it will soon come time for us to physically separate.  I feel I have neither the confidence nor the ability to preserve our relationship on a long-distance basis.  In addition, looking towards the long run, he may not be "the one", at least not the way he is now - he is still very immature in many ways.  So, at the time, I knew what I wanted, and that he was not it, and I did not hesitate to bring it up.  I told him that I am doing this now because I wanted to give us some time, while we were still able to see each other, to get mentally prepared and used to being close friends. Unfortunately, because the breakup was so civil and because we are attempting to keep things friendly, I find things haven't changed much since last week.  We still check in with each other now and then, and pop by each others' places for quick visits (as we are neighbors).  He still attends to my needs, down to the most miniscule of details, and hanging out with him, albeit just briefly each time, still makes me feel blessed, loved, and warm inside.

Do I wonder if I'm making the wrong decision letting him go?  Every day. 

Of all the guys I have dated, W definitely sets the standard for being the most dependable, most sincere, most caring.  I won't ever forget how hard it was for us in the beginning when it all started, and all the troubles we've had, but through it all, he never gave up and did his best for me all the time.  I can only say that I am at fault, for not being able to overlook his "faults", despite how great he is.  We've decided that this is an indefinite break, with high possibility of going at it again in the future after we've settled our paths and found our places in this world, and who knows, maybe he will have matured then.  But for right now, we have other priorities, and I want to give myself some more chances to experience the world around me.

I know what it is I have decided to do.  It's just so hard to stand by my decision when I know so well what kind of a guy I am letting go of.  It's hard to imagine that there will be anyone else out there like him...

locked in

Yesterday night, just as I was on my way out of the apartment to see Iron Man 2, one of my roommates came rushing in crying, shutting the door behind her on her parents who were following her.  Apparently, they had just taken away her car, physically stripped her of her belongings when they met her outside the apartment complex, and were trying to remove her from our apartment.  I'm not too close to her, but I just felt so sad and scared for her as she cried to us, "please don't let them take me away, please please."  The issue is pretty complicated but long story short, her parents were making a very big deal out of a situation that could be solved in a much simpler way.  Parents can just get a little too worked up sometimes, yeah?  Maybe it's cuz we know the story from her end, but they were being a tad too ridiculous...
I ended up being half an hour late for the movie, as I wasn't able to leave the apartment until it was okay'ed by my roommate to open the door and let her parents in to argue some more, and I took the chance to finally slip out.  When I returned - the movie was pretty good, btw - she wasn't back in the apartment.  Some of her things are still here, so I'm sure she'll be back but... I wonder if they took her home and if they worked things out....

my voice is weird :(

I was testing out the new voice-recorder application on my iPhone today by recording an important review session with it.  At the end of class, in my hustle to get out of the room, I didn't immediately stop the recording, so it got a few minutes of me talking with a friend.  When I played it back later, oh my gosh.  I sound so weird!  I haven't heard myself in a really long time, and my voice is a lot lighter and childish than I thought it could be, and I started wondering if I ever sounded professional all those times I talked with bosses or if I just sound like some little girl.  It's been really bothering me ever since class, haha, although it's not the first time I've had issues with recordings of me  (I hated listening to the voicemail recordings I made for the home phone back in the day).

Curious, I looked it up online and it's a pretty popular question.  ("Why does my voice sound weird?!")  Apparently, our perceptions of how our own voices differ from what other people actually hear because we hear it with the effects of the sound passing/vibrating through our bones and bodies, whereas others hear it simply through the air as you produce it.  So... your recordings are your REAL voice.  It creeps me out a little, hearing "me" and not recognizing myself.

I haven't had the chance to really ask anyone if my real voice is weird or not...  haha, I know, I know.  I'm not stressing, just curious  =X

vegas weekend 4.23-4.25 :)

This past weekend, for a friend's 21st birthday, a few of us went down to Vegas to celebrate with her!  This was our crew in a few of my favorite pictures out of 150+  (can you spot me?  hint-  I'm in every picture hahah).  We visited a club each night (XS and Tao) and it was fun because one of our girls was close to a promoter, so we automatically got onto guestlists and never had to wait :)

 For the first time, I really understood the meaning of "getting free drinks".  I've never actively tried to get anyone to buy me drinks, and I don't frequent bars or clubs alone or without some guy friends, so I didn't know what it was like.  On our all-girls trip, we practically spent no money and we got invited to tables and drinks all night.  Yay for free stuff!  Hahaha.

For the weekend, we stayed at the Trump tower  :D !!  We split a suite, and we had booked the room early, so we each only paid $40 to stay in this baller suite for the entire weekend!  (It was also complete with a kitchen, a second huge sofa bed, 3 showers, and a bathroom/makeup room as big as the living room!)  It was complimentary valet as well, which was cool for my car (I drove us all there and back)  :]

I did have to spend the whole next day working for my professor, and I do now have to disappear off the face of the earth in order to study for my midterms coming up next week, but it was a great weekend :)

laugh factory 4/20

Tonight, W and I went to our first show at the Laugh Factory (a stand-up comedy club in Hollywood).  We got to sit quite close to the stage, so it was pretty cool, seeing Kevin Nealon and the other comedians up close and personal just a few feet away.  (But I don't think any other celebrity encounters so far ever really matched up to the experience of having Kobe Bryant walk up to me and friends at our gym.  Not cuz he wanted to talk or anything, of course, but we happened to be standing unwittingly beside his gym bag, hahah, and THEN we got to talk to him).

For the most part, it was a nice night.  I got to check off another item on my things-i-want-to-do list.  We did however have a few troubles:

FIRST
We were both hungry because we didn't grab any dinner prior to the show, so we ordered a sandwich with our drinks.  It was very good, but you know, not really satisfying, so W decided to go for another, and this time he picked a different one.  The 2nd one was awful - whoever made the sandwich decided to go trigger-happy with the spicy sauce, which we didn't even order on it.  I wonder what it was.  It had the effect of wasabi (that stuff hurt my nose so much) but tasted kinda like mustard?  Anyway, it just ruined our appetites.

THEN
Towards the end of the show, both W and I started feeling sick.  I suspect it was the horrible sandwich, or maybe the drinks?  Or both?  Whatever it was, we couldn't even really enjoy the ending because I felt soooo bad that I had to get to the restroom just to be safe.  It wasn't the usual alcohol-induced nausea/discomfort, it was... more intense for a much shorter period of time.  No, I didn't end up puking or anything, instead I actually got better after a few minutes.  But still, it was an odd sensation I'd not like to experience again.

SO
Because W was queasy for the last 15 minutes or so of the show, and I was in the restroom at the very end, we didn't even enjoy the ending.  In my case, I didn't even get to see it.  :(

AND FINALLY
We were the very last ones to get our car driven back to us by the valet.  The issue with that was that we were still not at our best, but there we were, shivering like crazy as we waited outside.  AND, even after waiting at least 15 minutes and after it felt like everyone else was gone, when we finally decided to bother the head valet person about it, they told us they'd forgotten about ours and eventually brought it around.  Fortunately, the troubles ended there, and I drove us both home while W just lolled around in the passenger seat dealing with his discomfort.  I think he's okay now.

All in all, it was an okay night, with a net effect of leaving me feeling neutral and very tired.  Meh.  I hope I don't get a cold from the wait we endured...  Anyway, here is a post again, finally :)  Hopefully more to come.  Thank you RicAdemus, just wanted to give you a special plug!

i'm not good at this.

I was just offered another internship, this one much more intense, time-consuming, and far away from home.  In truth, this internship may be much better and rewarding than the one I've got now (yes, I've only been at this one for 3 weeks...).

But I'm not good at this.  Frankly I'm really quite scared of how it is going to be like, whether I will do well or just fail.  I feel good that it's an opportunity starting me in the face saying I should take it, but at the same time I get very anxious.  I don't feel very secure about myself, and I am sensitive to change - can't handle it well.  This is probably a good transition...?  For going from schooling full-time to working full-time.  I know it's a good thing.  But I can't help but feel like I'm too afraid to make the change.  I'm just so weak of heart.

what's been up + piece of me (march 2010)

Last weekend, I got a bit of a scare when I got a text from my brother saying that my dad underwent surgery.  It was pretty unsettling because he hadn't mentioned it to me beforehand, and that had me worrying that it was due to an emergency.  It also didn't help that I was unable to reach him on his cell phone all weekend.  But, it turns out that it was just a small, benign case of skin cancer on his hand which he got removed, and I hadn't been able to reach him because he spent that weekend at business meetings.  Definitely glad he was okay, and it was also something of a reminder to think about him more...

Hmm to update on the internship, I performed well at my last shift in the office, flying solo  :D  I got a good ole pat on the back, no joke.  It is too soon to feel like I got the hang of things though, knowing how inconsistent the boss is.  Just hopefully she'll teach me more.

T and I went to Jeff's place Friday night to see him and to celebrate with one of his friends, Max, who had just gotten accepted into grad school here (he's smart).  It turns out that Max knew a lot of people I did!  Including my first ex, a few of my high school classmates, and my roommate.  Such a small world.  I had a good time that night, it felt like we all bonded, and I hadn't laughed that much with people other than my close friends in a long time.  We ended up staying there until about 7, saw the sunrise pretty much.  Mm... I was just thinking again about my future.  Not that I am really in a position to do anything about it, but Max is probably my type of guy.  He was slightly interested but... it wouldn't happen right now....

Okay, getting tired so I'm wrapping this up:
.....This month....
I like:  that spring break is coming.  I'm not really sure yet how I'm gonna spend it, but it will be a very welcome break.
I don't like:  that I don't have my credit card on me (it got stopped b/c it was suspected to have been stolen, when really I had just spent just a tad too much for the month >.<)  I won't be getting the new one for maybe 2 weeks...  not that I want to be using it or anything, just feels a little more reassuring to know I had it if I had to use it.
I want you to know:  I've been watching the new season of The Amazing Race!  Haha, just in case you might want to join in, it's only aired 3 episodes so far.
I've planned:  to spend less, study hard to finish this quarter strong, and to not buckle under stress
I want to say to someone special:  I am very sorry for the hardships that are going on around you right now, and I'm surprised but happy that you want to give your support.  I hope that someday you could openly extend those kinds of feelings towards us too, because it would really encourage the family...

a week of changes

On Sunday, I went to bed after having spent a very normal weekend doing my usual activities, seeing the usual people, feeling like my usual okay self.  But starting Monday, I feel like I'm on some kind of hill, rolling down with no signs of slowing.  A lot has happened, not necessarily good things, and it feels as though I can't stop even to catch my breath. 

On Monday, I was planning on only getting the haircut, but also actually landed an internship as well.  I had applied for it on a whim 3 days earlier, but was asked for an interview and to start working immediately on the same day.  I can't decide if I'm lucky or not about this... I've been at work for 2 days now, and I really don't feel like I'm getting any training.  She's already throwing projects at me, and I don't know how to work on them.  Honestly, I have had a lot of trouble and it's stressful.  It's stuff that eventually I should learn to do, but Jane (my boss) doesn't seem to understand that the other interns and I aren't experts yet.  Our assignments aren't things we can do just off schooling...  and I'm not saying it because I haven't been studying hard.  I do well in the related classes, and I understand the concepts, but it takes time and a different kind of learning to apply it to the real world.  An intern who is 3-months my senior was unable to do my assigned project....  I am thinking maybe there is another internship out there that will benefit me more in terms of learning.....

I could rant on.  But I'm gonna stop, I am not due back in the office until next week, so I won't think about it for now.

To top off my already tumultuous week, I got an iPhone yesterday.  It was very spontaneous and unexpected.  I mentioned briefly during the day that I wouldn't mind an iPhone and W found a really nice deal from a very legit seller.  We went to take a look and I ended up bringing it home with me.  What's nice is that it had been kept very close-to-new (no scratches) and the seller had already worked some magic on it so that I can get all apps for free!  Also, he gave customer service when I had questions about it, even though he had no obligations to, and he says I can use his warranty if anything happens to the phone through December 2010.  Definitely made the week feel a bit less crappy.  But now, NO MORE SPENDING.  Really, I'm definitely cutting back.

I'm slightly amazed at how slowly this week has gone by.  And it's still not over yet.  I realize I don't know how I feel about this week.... but right now, only just meh  :(

on making decisions

Last night, the thought crossed my mind to get a haircut.  My hair is... pretty long... 2-3 inches past my boob.  So I did some research - I want a new style, but not sure what would work well for me.  (I'd show you pictures of me but can't find one that shows my hair well and I'm a bit lazy atm to take one, maybe I'll edit later).  I looked at lots of pictures online, hoping to find one that I liked while also fitting my face, so I could show the hair-stylist.  I would find one and think, "this is the one!" then browse a little more just to be certain and then "wait, how about this one....?"  at which point I would go back to the one I'd already found, sit there comparing pros and cons, choose one over the other, go away for a little bit to do something random, then come back, look again, and find that I want to change my mind.  AHHHHHH.  So indecisive.   The haircut is going to be with me for a while, so if I get a crappy one, I'm gonna be stuck with it, you know?

So anyway, I dwelled on the issue for most of the rest of the night, and the thoughts followed me to bed.  Don't you hate that?  You want to sleep, but what you were thinking prior continues to circulate around in your head, keeping you frustratedly awake... so yeah, I didn't end up sleeping for a while  :(

Today is a pretty free day, so I'm thinking about heading out to the place I went last time.  It's an hour away in Irvine, but I feel like I'd trust that hair-stylist more.  *crosses fingers*  I'll show the haircut afterwards  :)

Also before I go, I just found two giveaways by maitai, if anyone is interested:

• for a Neutrogena wave duo cleanser, see here
• for some maitai jewelry, here  :)
  

i'm wearin shorts in february

Unheard of, had this been four years ago.  And I don't mean because it's a fashion trend.  The weather in LA the past few days have been ridiculously warm.  Just walking around campus getting to my classes makes me uncomfortable, the sunlight felt so intensely hot.  As you can probably tell, I'm not one for hot/humid weather  :(

Anyway, realizing that the days of shorts and tanks are upon me, I've picked up exercising again.  P90x, baby.  I'm also going to pop by the gym after my classes, aiming for 2x a week.  (I went today too ;P )  Yes, yes, I should have been exercising regularly already.....  but I just couldn't resist scarfing down warm, hearty meals while it was cold out, then snuggling under the covers for movies/naps.....  sigh.  FOCUS.  In line with getting more active again, I exercised good restraint and decision making while grocery shopping earlier tonight.  Bought good healthy snacks, etc etc.

I would like to lose just 10 pounds.  Or 15.  Then I would hit my ideal weight.  Any tips/hints out there you'd like to recommend?  Or good fat-burning exercise routines?  I'll also take moral support/encouragement!  Hahah.  Thanks  :)

bittersweet CNY...

Just before I came home for the weekend to celebrate Chinese New Year with the family, I handed in an essay I wrote on "The Accidental Asian" by Eric Liu.  (fun fact - he used to write speeches for President Bill Clinton).  I wrote about language, and how it is so culturally connected;  the author wrote about his regrets about not feeling like he had a Chinese heritage because he'd abandoned language and culture to get by in an English-speaking world.  Maybe it was something of an epiphany, as I wrote and thought about how fragile the link was between me and my ancestors... if I didn't do something to preserve it, what my parents know, where they came from, what heritage they were trying to pass on to me.... it could all end with me.

So coincidental that this should occur to me prior to a very traditional weekend eh?

I've been spending a lot of time talking with and catering to my parents from the moment I got back.  In Chinese as much as possible.  I feel like I'm very sensitive to the passage of time, I want to capture my moments with them as I realize I am getting older and sooner to being independent of them.  I encouraged them if they talked about tradition or their own stories, which I don't think I did enough of back in the day.  I want to keep their memories, I wanted to show them I care about this heritage and that they should pass it to me...

I'm tearing up and have dampened the mood for CNY  -___-   haha, well, I am going to make it a resolution starting now, to pay more attention to this, and not to forget how much I should treasure my parents.  They will be like my valentines for the day, since I of course ♥ them  (and the bf is not around).

Do I sound a little more mature today?  :)

So then, here's hoping everyone out there is having a really great Valentines Day (regardless of your status, get yourselves some chocolate, yum!)  and again, happy CNY  ;D  Don't forget it's a day to show ALL your loved ones that you care.

spending spree weekend + a piece of me (feb 2010)

I should be sleeping, but I was itching to update  :)

I drove down to spend this past weekend with W's family.  It was a fun and expensive but totally unproductive weekend sigh.  Let's see.... W and I spent about $80 at D&B's trying to win tickets to exchange for the cool prizes.  We would wait for little kids to play certain games that added to the jackpot and when they left, we would pounce on the machine and fervently try to hit it.  Hahaha.  Some games we got pretty pro at, and other games we could only fume at as we sank all our credits into them....  (we're so immature, eh?)  At the end of the day, we exchanged for matching D&B mugs, a large D&B towel, and a pack of D&B cards, with over 1000 points left over to use for next time!  =]  I realized I quite enjoy the machine where you put coins in and watch them fall in, hoping your coin will knock down the piles of coins already inside.  I wonder what those machines are called...  But in any case, I sat there mesmerizedly playing for a while.  Poor man's vegas?.... haha.

We also went on something of a shopping spree.  I got a little bit of everything:  jeans, lotions (bath&body works), shirts, makeup (urban decay eyeshadows, dior mascara, loreal h.i.p. eyeliner+eyeshadow) and a gift for my parents (Brookstone).  For early valentine's (as I'm spending that weekend away, home with family), he got me the two pairs of boots I wanted (Soda and Paprika), and I bought him a Yves Saint Lauren cologne.  I pretty much made up for the past few months of minimal spending heh.  That includes fooding... I insisted on paying for the Korean BBQ lunch we had today (where they give you the raw meat to grill on your own - bulgogi and black angus deckle), which was pricey but rather worth it.  Oh so good.

outfit #2
from the weekend (express, anchor blue)>

I didn't return home until pretty late today and so, no progress was made on my unstarted 5 page essay due this Thursday.  Nor was any studying done for my quiz tomorrow.  Way to go Kimmy  -__-

But.  Guiltily.  Before I go to bed, I am going to make time to play the Piece of Me game by Notes from a Toothfairy for the first time.  =P  Hope everyone had a good weekend!

......

This month...

I like:  getting new things  :)  (this typed as I look over at the newly acquired shopping bags by my bed.. sigh)

I don't like:  knowing that there is a lot of leftover food I cooked still sitting in the fridge.  I hope it will all be eaten on time, or else, so wasteful  :(

I want you to know: I'm sorry for this long post...

I've planned:  essay, essay, essay by Thursday.....and to keep on top of all other to-dos.

I want to say to someone special:   I get mad easily at you a lot, but I really do appreciate you and will work on my temper!

spiny porcupine

Over the last two days, I've been getting contacted by this friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while.  Back in freshman year, he had a crush on me, and it was very obvious... all my other guy friends at the time noticed too, but they didn't have a good opinion of him - they would call him a spiny porcupine because of how he would use too much gel in his hair whenever he saw me (in an attempt to impress me, they would say) and have it all stand up like spines on his head.  Anyway, he never took my hints, and still asked me out, in front of those guy friends who was already teasing him (not very smart, huh).  The feeling wasn't mutual, and I was kinda interested in someone else at the time... so I just told him I wanted us to be friends.

(Reminds me of a question I've been wondering about... what do you think is the best way to turn someone down?  What do you say?)

Anyway, I didn't see him much for a while after that... but last Thursday, we happened to bump into each other, so we grabbed lunch together.  Knowing then that I had lunch times free on Thursdays, he called again yesterday hoping we could eat.  I told him I was unavailable, so he asked a few hours later for dinner.  I didn't really want to.. so I just said I had other things to do.  And then, even later that night, he asked if I would be free for lunch today.

I don't want to assume anything about his persistance.  For all I know, he could just be hoping to catch up as friends for the long time we've not seen each other... it throws me off a bit how intense it seems.  I'm not sure if he knows that I am seeing someone right now.  I still want to be friends with him, but I hope he doesn't get the wrong ideas again...

Before I go, I need to rant.  Yesterday wasn't too good of a day...  I had a lot of time-sensitive things to plan/sort out, I was tired but had to attend a workshop, I had to turn down some friends about going to a party (although I really wanted to), various other little things that really upset me, and as a result of everything, I fought with W at the end of the night.  ehh..  it's okay, just have to get my mind off it.

Hope everyone is well!  I plan to visit very soon  (my midterms are all done now after all~ yay)

and my procrastination continues... chocolate + pictures!

I've got midterms coming up, so naturally, I am here.  -__-

I cannot stop my chocolate cravings!  Let's see what I have been eating...

• W got me a small box of Lindor milk chocolate truffles last week which we have both already devoured
• I have a box of the new chocolate-flavored Cheerios (which don't taste as weird as I expected it to - and it's whole grain!)
• there is a sizeable portion of a huge delicious chocolate birthday cake sitting in my fridge that my friend could not finish, and I've been picking away at it little by little..
• >.<
  

So I got upset for about half an hr earlier today because the boots on sale that I wanted to order...are no longer on sale.  Yesterday, which was apparently the last day of the sale, I was going to place my order. But then, due to this and that, it didn't happen, and when I went back to the site today to check it out, all the sale prices were gone....  I'm over it now, but it is just unsettling that I could have saved quite a bit of money.  I like deals  :(

Before I get back to the books, just thought I would put up some pictures I found in my camera today:

(left) W with the giant Shamu stuffed animal he won for me at Seaworld shooting 3-point shots into the hoops behind him.  (right) At Dine-with-Shamu next to the whales :D

top of the dam at Oroville which I visited this past December - I like how it just stretches on into the distance

......

So I've decided I want to keep track of how my style changes.

Here's outfit #1, worn to class today.

(top - bought @ a petite store in HK last summer; accessory - jewelry store in Macau;  leggings - HK also?;  boots - Journeys)

 

Oh, and also some notes to self:

• write reply email to professor/boss about internship and spring job
• write letter back for Christin (germany)
  

giveaway @ stacieeelovesit ~

This is the first time I'm entering one of these giveaways, wish me luck!  haha.

The prizes:

If you are interested in joining also, check out Stacie's blog for the details HERE:  http://stacieeelovesit.blogspot.com/2010/01/stacies-3rd-giveaway.html

In other news, I have developed something of an [online] shopping urge recently.  I was looking at boots online for awhile late last night (I plan to order two pairs soon - they're on sale ^^), and also at rings.  I want to replace the one that W lost over the summer  >:(.  I should ask him to shop for that with me... [note to self]...

4.5-hours of monopoly with who?

Last night, after hitting the bar (F.O.) with W, I pulled out the Monopoly box from under his bed and started to play with him.  Our gameplay attracted the rest of his apartmentmates.  Apparently, W and I had been "playing by the wrong rules all along", Brian announced indignantly, so we started a new game, with the rest of the audience.  And with that, yes, we played Monopoly vigorously and in an intense-cutthroat manner for nearly 5 hours until 3 in the morning.  We actually didn't even notice the time pass.  In the end, we were rather ruthlessly destroyed by Alex, who was ironically the one person who had never ever played Monopoly in any form in her life.

Although I want to say I enjoyed a rare night with everyone home, it is hard to describe how I actually felt with Alex being around.  Initially when we first met, it was weirdness, because she was such a close friend of my boyfriend's - and somehow we weren't able to talk to each other very much.  Then, it was some competition, because T, who she now dates, used to have a thing for/with me.  Also, I think we are both the kind of girl that's not the type to get buddy-buddy with people right away, and so it's hard for us to get past this awkward "I-acknowledge-you-but-don't-know-what-to-say-to-you-now" phase.  And lately, it's just... I don't even know.  (Although last night I was rather pissed at her because she was playing Monopoly so stringently against everyone even tho she was already in the lead and didn't have to suck the fun out of the game.)

Alex and I are the only two girls who spend the most time over at the guys' place (because our boyfriends are apartmentmates).  She actually lives an hour away, but will come to spend every weekend here, without fail.  It is sad, but the guys other than T have very poor impressions of her, saying she is annoying or loud when she laughs or too PDA or whatever else there is... It makes me wonder what kind of an impression I leave on them too, being another girl that's always around.  I live on the same floor as they do, so I technically could be around a lot more, although I'm not because I make sure I have time for my own friends/work.  W and I don't go crazy with affection around them, and I try to talk to everybody else in a non-intrusive way so as not to make them uncomfortable with me.  I feel like I'm more conscious of all this because I hear how they feel about Alex, and I hope that they are okay with me and not as bothered by my presence.

Maybe it's the way I was brought up.  It's always been important to me (sometimes too important) how I come across to people...   *shrug*  =/

cloudy with a chance of major rain

Today, the one day that I decided I wasn't going to bother checking the weather before leaving for class, it rained very very hard and dropped 20 degrees.

When I left the apartment in jeans, a hoodie, and flip-flops, it was still okay.  It didn't feel any different from any other overcast day around here.  Chilly, but dry.  Three hours later after all my classes were over, I walk outside and I'm caught in sheets of rainwater.  I couldn't even hop on the usual bus which was only 5 minutes away because I had procrastinated in doing an assignment due tomorrow, so I had to trudge through rain and freezing wind to get to the library 15 minutes away to borrow the book I needed.   It actually took me almost half an hr to get there because I kept making stops along the way as I was shuddering so badly through my soaked hoodie and my feet were unbelievably cold.  I kept debating whether I should first go home and get dressed properly, grab an umbrella, then come back for the book later.  My laziness beat all - since I was already on campus, why not just get everything done and over with.  And so, I did what I had to do at the library, looking like I just took a shower in my clothes.  Then, another 25 minutes or so of rain, bus-ride, and walking, and I burst into my apartment and finally strip off all the wet clothes.  (I was warmer naked even than in my clothing).  I then scarfed down a bowl of rice and meat.  heh.

Don't anybody take overcast days lightly like I did  :(

Oh, and to make it all better, I haven't even started recovering from the cold I've had since Friday...  aye...

M.I.A. in LA

It's been a busy few days, sorry for the lack of writing/visiting  :P   I "escaped" to San Diego for some fun and distraction before I came back to see the family and to start thinking about real world issues again.

Main attraction of the week:  Seaworld!
I do not have the guts for roller coasters, so parks like this are right up my alley  :)  It was my first time there.  W and I practically owned the place since it was a Monday and, I dunno, it was kinda cold.  We did the Dine-with-Shamu thing which was pretty cool (buffet style with the whales only a thin railing away).  I also developed a strange fondness for bat rays while I was there... if you ever get the chance to touch one (one that won't sting you, of course), do it. 

I had a goal for that day.  I was determined not to leave the park without a Shamu stuffed animal in tow, but those things are sooo expensive at the gift shops (surprise, surprise).  W and I found this booth where you could win a GIANT Shamu stuffed animal if you could make 3 three-point basketball shots.  I suggested that W just win me one, so he tried.  I guess he wasn't lying before when he said he was good at the sport.  He sunk all 3 in a row within a minute and got me my HUGE Shamu (it is practically as big as I am).  Yay.  All the little kids were jealous when I carried it around  :)

We visited some other hot spots in the area that I'd wanted to see, like the food places and the beach.  I miss our hotel too, it wasn't too special or anything, but it was just so nice to not clean up.  Then yesterday we spent the day at the apartment, watching Big Bang Theory.  We also finished putting together the 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle of Snoopy  :)  I haven't decided where I want to hang it.  Also watched Up In The Air and New Moon (movie-hopped~) on one of those days.

And now, I am back at home, after missing my first flight (by just 3 minutes, I was so pissed) and was lucky enough to get a seat in the next one.  I am strangely exhausted for being on vacation, but it's great.  How is everyone else's?

bury the castle

Paramore
"Brick by Boring Brick"
Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic
If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh even in the dark
And that's where I want to be...

My mom called yesterday for a chat.  She asked why I changed my mind about spending a week in Boston/NY over winter break, since it was something I had been really excited about.   I told her about my insecurities, mainly about how I felt uncomfortable going on such a long-distance trip with W because I don't think I have the strongest of feelings for him.  I don't want to mislead him into believing our relationship is more deep than it actually is.

She scolded me for being too "nice".  "Again".  If you want to go on this trip, and you have someone who has the time and is willing to go with you, why should you not do what you want?, she asked.  She started referring to my last 2 relationships, berating me for not having learned my lessons from them.  I had been too self-sacrificing and naive, too concerned about how the guy felt instead of being outright and protective of myself, put too much into my relationships, apparently.  I wonder if she's right?

I was indignant at first..  I'm sure no one likes being told off for doing things they don't think are wrong.  But it got me thinking if maybe I AM too much of a romantic.  I do have silly idealistic views about relationships, I suppose.  Does this make me weak/vulnerable?  Or not smart about being in relationships?  Would it really be "wiser" to act more selfishly?

I don't know...

In any case, the East Coast trip plans are off anyway.  Instead, I vouched for exploring a little more of the areas around here, which is not a bad alternative, seeing as there is a whole list of places I want to visit and things I want to try.  I hope I can sort myself out soon.

it's official.

I cannot stand people who ask me for my notes.  I'm sorry, but no, you cannot copy them!  =(  I actually spend time, pay attention, and put in honest effort to write up good lecture notes.

This morning, despite being very unwilling to get out of bed, I showed up on time to my 8 am class and stayed awake for the entire hour of lecture, making sure I caught every and all details.  The lectures for this class are difficult, but I took good notes.  After class, an acquiantance of mine in the same class asked, very excitedly, to see them, saying he knew I had good notes.  I immediately felt irked.  First of all, I barely know the guy;  secondly, he had previously obnoxiously asked to look at my other work/notes several times before;  and thirdly, I had little doubt that he had put in much effort to writing any of his own notes.

I just get really bothered by the idea of letting someone who doesn't even try get a free pass to my hard work.  That's not unreasonable, right?  I mean, if he had notes also to compare with/ contribute to mine, I would not mind at all mutually helping each other out with notes.  But here he was completely mooching off me, and I couldn't say no with him right there.  -____-  UGH.


Anyway... I had a rather long day today, but I got to drive around a little bit in my
"new" car [see left]  (it was actually bought 3 years ago for my mom, but she's driven it almost never, so it's practically new and has now recently been designated to me).

My sweet tooth was pretty demanding today, but as much as I wanted to go grab a milk tea / chocolate croissant, I had to buckle down and pound out a paper for tomorrow.  Maybe after class...